tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-172398172011-12-15T12:47:41.321+10:00My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superheroBennoreply@blogger.comBlogger2981100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-50872559520691418302007-02-17T19:33:00.000+10:002007-02-17T19:35:41.130+10:00

“Henry you moron,” remarks a sensual, savagely erotic voice filled with confidence and amusement. “It seems you do have some balls after all.”“Uh….” I attempt to cover up, but for some reason my clothes have turned to rags, and ash. So, instead I stand tall and proud and erect and naked, and respond with renewed energy in my deep booming superheroic voice; “Bees Knees… uh… hi.”“We have unfinished

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-19012035104575611662007-02-09T17:20:00.000+10:002007-02-06T07:03:48.608+10:00

“You have a flamethrower?!” “Yes I do.” “Do you think that might be useful, given the current circumstances?” Mr Enthusiasm manages somehow to sound incredulous, enthusiastic, and confused all at the same time. “You know. Encased in ice. Giant mutant snowman. About to die.” “Now that you mention it…” The flamethrower embedded in my forearm roars its sweet song, like a rampaging torrent of fire on

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-19582212550081517522007-02-06T07:39:00.000+10:002007-02-06T07:03:48.656+10:00

…And in this moment, as I gaze longingly and fearfully up the full length of her perfectly athletic legs and feel the sweat of her body dripping about my face, I realize firstly that this might not be such a bad way to go after all, and secondly that the salt of her perspiration on my cracked, ice-burned lips really really hurts. Yes, there is pain. There is humiliation. There is dread fear, but

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-79981950168934329352007-02-06T00:36:00.000+10:002007-02-05T22:38:19.264+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. I have a pair of high powered, miniature rocket launchers strapped at my belt, a flamethrower embedded in my forearm, ultra-xray super-molecular vision, the strength of one of the ancient titans - the big one - and a brain so incredibly brilliant I can think of a metaphor for my brain faster than you can say “My brain is so incredibly brilliant

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-19333616327765660142007-02-05T16:35:00.000+10:002007-02-05T16:42:49.530+10:00

Consciousness returns. I am frozen solid, upside down, the monster’s fist wrapped around my legs. In his other hand is my new ally, Mr Enthusiasm. Mr E seems less that enthusiastic at the moment, almost as though he is about to die or something. Perhaps I should say something inspirational - you know, to boost morale. “Oh, crap,” I remark, helpfully. “Ugh,” grunts Mr Enthusiasm, like a blubbering

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-14829501956750344942007-02-05T12:22:00.000+10:002007-02-05T12:25:27.724+10:00

Again, the chill wind of regret blazes about my shoulders, like the breath of an enormous evil snowman…. Actually, I don’t think that was regret at all… “Look out!” calls a voice, full of urgency and desperation and a surprising degree of enthusiasm. I notice a brightly clad man with a big shiny “E” on his chest. I notice him because of the way he barrels into me, knocking me across the bonnet of

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-75390449837288595362007-02-04T22:18:00.000+10:002007-02-04T22:24:21.046+10:00

The tropical summer sun beats down, like a club on the skull of a baby seal. It is a day of contemplation, of lazy, deep, sometimes disturbing thoughts. Memories. The heat a reflection of past passions, draws, drains, flows, an endless river of timeless perspiration...For further contemplations from the brain of Henry the Adequate, seal clubber, please check out Henry's new home here.Or,

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-40213535445213333672007-02-04T22:14:00.000+10:002007-02-04T22:24:35.018+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. But I may have already mentioned that. At some juncture. Still, I suppose there is no point taking any chances, since most of my readers are morons. Present company excluded, naturally… To begin again; my name is Henry the Adequate, superhero, and I am busy questioning some bystanders to what may very well have been a sighting of The

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-41432511581120066482007-02-04T10:51:00.000+10:002007-02-04T10:54:33.212+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. Tonight I patrol the streets in search of the Androgynous Snowman. I think I am getting close, when all about me there erupts a cacophony of howling and cheering and bustling, and singing - some song about “Old Lana Lang” and some kind of sign. Who would have guessed Smallville was so popular in this town. There are many uproarious cries of “

Bennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1145782537277538082006-04-23T18:55:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.729+10:00

I met a man on the road. He said, “Will you stop following me!”I said, “Uh…. ok.”He said, “What’s your problem anyway?”I said, “My toe itches.” Which is really deep, when you think about it.This Wisdom of Henry brought to you by http://weblog.henrytheadequate.com, the new home of Henry the Adequate. You're not supposed to be coming here any more - you know that, right?

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1144763492359360482006-04-11T23:49:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.642+10:00

This is not a blog post, because this is no longer the home of Henry the Adequate. To read more of Henry please go to http://weblog.henrytheadequate.com. Don't come back here. Really.Oh, also please visit my new tenant.

Bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1144563940076237982006-04-09T16:23:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.559+10:00

Thou shalt not read http://henrytheadequate.blogspot.com. Though shalt instead read http://weblog.henrytheadequate.com.

Bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1144312159662790222006-04-06T18:18:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.470+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Today I moved to a new place. A classy place, with nice polished floorboards, and a great view.The adventure continues at weblog.henrytheadequate.com...

Bennoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1144152081509322602006-04-06T00:02:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.368+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.I am hot on the trail of an evil loonerizer ray weilding supervillain, and also searching for some chamomile tea, which has apparently been stolen by a couple of monkeys."Halt," I call commandingly to a suspicious looking thug. "Uh... sorry, officer..." I move on, determined to discover the identity of the nefarious fiend that has been

Bennoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1144140616771095842006-04-05T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.264+10:00

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass. Unless you're gay.Also, thou shalt not make really obvious jokes that have been done a million times before... Oh, bugger.

Bennoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143931338029519722006-04-04T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.182+10:00

It has come to my attention that some moron is spreading lies and deceitful stuff about operating systems. There have even been rumours attributing this to myself. I, Henry the Adequate, superhero, cannot allow my good name to be sullied by such badness.So, just to set the record straight, here is the definitive Operating System FAQ.How can I protect my Windows computer from Viruses, spyware,

Bennoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143873621518927072006-04-03T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.103+10:00

Be careful what you say, because words have power and meaning beyond the ken of mortals such as yourself. Unless your name is Ken, obviously.For example, one time I said, "Freeze, punk! This flamethrower has a hair trigger, and I've been drinking..." And then he just suddenly burts into flames for no discernible reason. See, the power of words.

Bennoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143862553405653272006-04-02T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:35.024+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero."Excuse me... Um... Are you ok?""Sure. Why do you ask?" I can't quite place it but there is just something about her that suggests some kind of strangeness. Or maybe it's just me."Um, no reason.... Say... You haven't just been struck by some kind of loonerizer ray, have you? Because I think there might be a bit of that going around...""A what? I

Bennoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143699491119853762006-04-01T13:29:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.841+10:00

God said, "Thou shalt not kill!!!!!!" Ok, so possibly he did not use quite that many exclamation points. The documentation is pretty well silent on the subject of punctuation."But Lord," complains some devout follower guy, "My neighbour says you are an obnoxious prick.""Kill the bastard!" says God, after careful consideration, "Kill his family. Kill his ass. Oh, and bring some young boys so that

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143722800486774712006-03-31T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.938+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero."Excuse me officer, I saw what happened," says a strangely familiar voice. It is as though I have met the person before or something."Did you?" The policeman is looking at somebody directly behind me."No, I did not. But I may have just seen somebody running a red light," explains June. She is now visible to my left, an expression of hopeful

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143634920919163942006-03-30T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.763+10:00

It is always easier to criticize than to come up with a creative solution. So, just criticize then, because it is easier. That's what I do. Actually, destructive solutions are also much easier than creative ones. Excuse me while I charge my flamethrower.

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143524315722411682006-03-29T06:30:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.594+10:00

The Law of Constricted Space: An unrestrained and unsupervised baby/toddler will, in the shortest possible time, find the most dangerous object in a given space, and begin interracting with it in whatever manner will lead most directly to disaster.

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143528429270244522006-03-29T00:02:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.676+10:00

The office building explodes spectacularly. A massive chunk of some kind of building material stuff crushes me like the chicken that didn't quite cross the road. Or it would have/will. In the tiny fraction of a second that remains of life, I reach forth with my temporal awareness, grasp mentally at several fragile strands of reality, and twist them brutally with all of the panic in my brain, like

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143464247914640622006-03-28T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.312+10:00

The office building explodes spectacularly. A massive chunk of some kind of building material stuff crushes me like the chicken that didn't quite cross the road. Or it would have/will. In the tiny fraction of a second that remains of life, I reach forth with my temporal awareness, grasp mentally at several fragile strands of reality, and twist them brutally with all of the panic in my brain, like

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143342856908575062006-03-27T00:06:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.233+10:00

Never send to know for whom the belle tolls; She tolls for me, Henry the Adequate. What else did you expect?Now is the time for all good men, and women, to visit my tenant, the Troll Baby. Well, actually, she's the mother of the troll baby, but you get the idea, or you will, when you visit. Go on then.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143204092753652112006-03-26T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.075+10:00

"Who was that masked man?" remarks a voice from behind me."I don't know," says another, "But he seemed really pissed off at the cigarette machine."But I have no time to introduce myself to intoxicated fans, no matter how adoring they might be, for I have once again spotted the brownish blur of something-or-other that surely needs to be investigated. I dive headlong across the floor, knocking

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143204828491038882006-03-25T17:46:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:34.155+10:00

I met a man on the road. He said, "Isn't it weird how we keep meeting on the road?"I said, "Yeah, freaky."

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143155028844341512006-03-25T00:04:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.911+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.The Seediest Bar in Seedsville is particularly busy tonight, but I must venture wherever the clues do take me, even if it does happen to be topless night. A barmaid jiggles over to me and I ask for something wobbly, sorry bubbly. I have several.I survey the bar, looking for my contact, and wondering what kind of information he has for me. Out of

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143179050956662252006-03-24T15:40:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.993+10:00

It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to be incinerated by a massive blast of liquid fire from my flamethrower, so shut the hell up.It is also better to visit the Troll Baby, than to be incinerated... etc.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143121424581104322006-03-24T00:08:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.833+10:00

When you have nothing to say it is very wise to say nothing.Or you could just make stuff up. Making stuff up is good, and no doubt very wise.

Bennoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143087371365926392006-03-23T14:17:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.740+10:00

Today I rescued a damsel in distress."My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am here to rescue you.""From what?""Ah clearly you are in a state of shock and/or have a malfunctioning brain. But fear not, for I, Henry the Adequate, shall carry you to safety!""Hey! Get your hands off me!! Put me down!!!" I experience a sudden sensation as of being beaten about the face and kicked about the ankles,

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1143006660284198192006-03-22T15:43:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.661+10:00

What doesn't kill me makes me want to eat pizza. Actually what does kill me also makes me want to eat pizza, but in advance. The ice-cream man should sell pizza. Vote for Henry. Give him 5/5.

Bennoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1132779780165445632006-03-19T22:14:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:15.906+10:00

The Fatal WeddingbyChad Morgan The groom stood there waiting for his brideThe best man shiverin' by his sideOn him the smell of stale sheep dipAnd a flask of brandy on his hipHe knew he'd trod that last long mileAs his dear walked slowly down the isleThis was the day he was waiting forWhen he'd get in for his cut and moreOf her old man's station and his goldAs soon as

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142684323404772312006-03-19T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.575+10:00

When the world seems like a cold, dark place just remember, you are not alone. Also remember that fire provides both heat and light, as well as a nifty way to dispose of your enemies. Fire is your friend.To light up my life, click here: Also, don't forget to visit Miss Ann Thrope, if you haven't already. Or even if you have.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142598950188789692006-03-18T00:02:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.487+10:00

I try turning the computer on and off a couple of times, but for some strange reason that fails to produce any results. Also my fingers get a bit burned on account of the flames coming out of the keyboard. They sure don't make them like they used to."Halt, feeble humanoid," calls out a voice in english. All aliens speak english, apparently, which is a real bonus when it comes to communicating

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142571439166127942006-03-17T19:52:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.407+10:00

I've been called a fool, and that's ok, because, well, who's the bigger idiot - the idiot, or the idiot sayer who thinks the idiot is an idiot even though she, or possibly he, I'm not too sure.. even though they do that thing, and anyway, the world is round, you know. Which just goes to show that it takes one to know one.Actually I'm pretty sure George Bush is the bigger idiot. And Little Johnny

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142427046783123802006-03-17T11:45:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.324+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.In the distance I notice something suspicious. It is only my superhuman senses that allow me to detect the gigantic spacecraft that is hovering above the city and raining death and destruction on the central business district like an enormous killing machine raining death and destruction on the city below.But I am not phased. I concentrate,

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142426118985104362006-03-16T06:52:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.228+10:00

In desperation I called into the night, "Save me from this darkness, oh Lord!" But God was at the dentist. I left a message on his machine, and also sent a fax.Deities are bastards when it comes to returning calls.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142305277909977472006-03-16T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.988+10:00

...I fall to the ground as though driven there by a large thing that is very heavy and has received a significant amount of assistance from gravity. As I slip into unconsciousness I feel a roaring rumbling vibration, as though my rocket lauchers have been accidently triggered somehow, and notice a massive explosion where the evil mind control mechanoid used to be, as though my rocket launchers

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142341210836062312006-03-15T06:43:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.146+10:00

It is always darkest before the fat lady sings.Also, it isn't over until Henry says it is over, dammit. Remember, I have the universe in my linen cupboard, and I'm not afraid to abuse it.

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142300069483529492006-03-15T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.910+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.There is something different about the gleaming silver robot that confronts me now. Perhaps it is the way the monstrous creature does not appear to be shooting at me with nasty looking blasters of some kind and the way its face appears to be capable of several rudimentary expressions, including hatred, despite, anger, fury, vengeance, and one

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142316486329314852006-03-14T16:46:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:33.067+10:00

When life gives you lemons, you're probably a lemon farmer.Miss Ann is not a lemon farmer, but don't take my word for it - go and see for yourself. Now. Don't make me get my axe.

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142212694008081832006-03-14T11:17:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.679+10:00

If there were more adequate people in the world, then the world would have more adequate people in it.To increase your adequacy quotient, click here:

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142250594499341972006-03-14T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.830+10:00

"Do not try to bend the spoon - that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.""What truth?""That there is no spoon," explains the creepy bald-headed child."There is no spoon," contemplates the creepy dark-haired one."Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends - it is only yourself.""Oh, crap!" I grab the spoon from the annoying little prat and stab him in the eye with it

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142211825564272862006-03-13T10:57:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.605+10:00

I met a man on the road and he said "Is this the road to Townsville?"I said "No."He said "Thank you very much."There was going to be a point to this.

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141880362982549972006-03-12T00:08:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.365+10:00

Once upon a time, and for no readily apparent reason, there lived a small cartoon caricature called Timmy.Timmy loved football, meat pies, and cartoon porn - particularly that Japanese stuff. One day, as Timmy prepared for his date with some Japanese sheila he'd met on the intraweb thingy, he realized that his blues seemed to be bleeding into the other colours and his private parts were all

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1142048832227603512006-03-11T13:43:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.526+10:00

It isn't easy being famous. People always want stuff from you. "May I have your autograph?", "Will you sign my butt?", "Please please stop incinerating my family." Damn leeches.

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141961703908082842006-03-10T14:20:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.442+10:00

..."Ha!" As though the evil fiend does not recognize me. Such foolishness, to think that she can fool Henry the Adequate, superhero. "I am Henry the Adequate, superhero!""Riiiight," she says, with a note of slightly extreme skepticism in her voice, "And I am Xena, Warrior of Incense!"Finally, a worthy adversary. "I will crush you Xena, Warrior of Incense, and then I will find your masters, the

Bennoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141825204906054222006-03-09T12:05:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.285+10:00

I felt sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who gave me his. Actually, I'm surprised they survived the fire.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141767122302105742006-03-08T07:23:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.209+10:00

..."Ha!" As though the evil fiend does not recognize me. Such foolishness, to think that she can fool Henry the Adequate, superhero. "I am Henry the Adequate, superhero!""Riiiight," she says, with a note of slightly extreme skepticism in her voice, "And I am Xena, Warrior of Incense!"Finally, a worthy adversary. "I will crush you Xena, Warrior of Incense, and then I will find your masters, the

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141623827951803402006-03-07T16:42:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.055+10:00

A removalist is someone who specializes in removing money from your wallet. You are generally expected to help, and to provide beer at the end of the job.

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141680988456121982006-03-07T07:23:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:32.132+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Today I have found a clue to the source of recent attacks on my person. The clue is subtle and could very easily be mistaken for yet another attack on my person - particularly due to all of the shooting and exploding and cries of "Die, Henry the Adequate, die!!"But my exceptional brain allows me to see behind the fascade of mindless violence and

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141618481293414012006-03-06T16:35:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.964+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.I am a particularly fine superhero. My superheroness knows no bounds. Well, not many. My superheroness knows relatively few bounds, particularly when compared to other more boundful heroes...I clear my head and focus on the matter at hand. Well, my head is almost clear. It is clearish. Perhaps if I can stop thinking about clearing my head...The

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141609101530060582006-03-06T10:00:00.001+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.887+10:00

The Internet is a special place, where everybody is beautiful and witty and polite, and nobody ever has to pee. You don't really need a computer to get on the internet - the government just wants you to think you need a computer, because of their evil secret agenda.

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141302460899133082006-03-04T14:11:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.707+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Today I am roaming the incense factory in search of supervillians. I am uncertain what these strange smelling sticks are meant to do. June tells me that they may hold the secret to personal happiness and wellbeing, and if that is the case then surely the evil criminal mastermind slave lords must be behind it all. Somehow. Or something like

Bennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141289932222686992006-03-03T19:09:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.624+10:00

The imagination of man is limited only by what he thinks he can get away with, which is limited only by the imagination of woman.This is a toll post - Be a good citizen and click here:And here. Remember, Henry is watching.

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141216079160156982006-03-03T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.450+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.I am at The Seediest Bar in Seedsville, where my search for information continues. I must find out what happened to the monstrous mechanoid tank-like creature.I buy a drink, because people feel more comfortable talking to you if you've got a drink. Fortunately alcohol has no effect on my superheroic constitution. "Excuse me, I'm looking for a

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141218801993653722006-03-02T06:59:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.543+10:00

A wise and ancient mystic - Ted, from Bondi - once suggested that the world was made up of billions of tiny grains of belief. Ted often said stuff like that, when we shared a flat back in the nineties. Then they locked him up.Ted reckoned it was because he was a revolutionary, but I rather thought it had something to do with the stuff he was growing in the shed out back.Please click Here to visit

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141127775304328052006-03-02T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.275+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.I wake, noticing several things almost immediately, due to my superior perceptiveness. The first thing I notice is that my head hurts. The second thing I notice is that much of the rest of me also hurts. Then it becomes apparent that I am outside, on the footpath, and that people are giving me some very strange looks, as though I have appeared

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141178208941587992006-03-01T11:54:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.363+10:00

Do not name your child "waterfall" or "sunshine". Seriously. I have an axe.

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141103273759226522006-03-01T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.185+10:00

...the mechanoid is undamaged, its main gun finally aimed directly at my house, small calibre weapons preparing to cut me to pieces, robotic brain no doubt concocting some fiendish taunt to hurl at my lifeless body as it is cut to shreds by a hail of hot lead.I search my amazing brain for the correct response. Ah, there it is. "Bugger," I say with much cleverness, while simultaneously using my

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141005663070887222006-02-28T08:29:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.016+10:00

Don't wait for the world to deliver your dreams - ask for pickup when you order. It's cheaper that way. Also, extra olives.

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1141008556305947272006-02-28T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:31.098+10:00

Suddenly I am three minutes in the past. My head is spinning as though I have just experienced my own gruesome death. There is no time to lose. Only I can save me now.I hurry outside with all the speed of my superpowered muscles. On the street I notice several pedestrians, and a few parked cars. I examine the scene very carefully, as only a highly trained superheroic observer can, and soon begin

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140934403292190252006-02-27T12:12:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.938+10:00

"That goes without saying" almost always goes without saying.

Bennoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140328406846314632006-02-27T07:19:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.877+10:00

How to tell if your computer is broken:This method works every time. First, find a very tall building. Throw your PC from the top of the building, and observe the result. If the computer appears to remain intact, then it was indeed broken. If, however, it shatters into a million pieces then you have proof positive that it was in perfect working order.This is a secret method previously known only

Bennoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140170040627725332006-02-27T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.482+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Strangely enough it seems as though the universe is not about to end. I suppose therefore I must turn to slightly less pressing problems. Believe it or not there are one or two issues I have left unresolved due to the inevitable armageddon that has suddenly become somewhat evitable.So, here, in mostly chronological order, are the unresolved

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140744962659716852006-02-26T06:19:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.677+10:00

I met a stranger on the road. He said, "Perhaps we should get off the road?"I said, "Yes, that is a damn big truck!" So we got off the road.The End.

Bennoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140868160234149782006-02-26T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.852+10:00

"So," I think I have worked it out now, for sure, "What you're saying is you made me?""Apparently," agrees the rhyme lord, as though his plan is to tell me precisely what I do not wish to hear. Maybe if I try it again, but use some slightly different words, I will get a different answer."Right, then, this means that what I am today is all because of you?""Yes.""And I have had these superpowers

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140752420979692822006-02-25T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.765+10:00

"Concentrate!"I focus the limitless powers of my brilliant brain on the problem at hand, causing all those layers of complexity to just melt away like ice cream before a flamethrower. "Why don't we break for ice cream?"The rhyme lord sighs. "I am concerned that the twenty-first century nervous system may not be as advanced as I had thought. Of course, you understand what that could mean...""Yes,

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140697817139078852006-02-24T07:03:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.596+10:00

The joys of procrastination. Coming soon. Soonish. Clickety Click.

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140697717125833142006-02-24T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.523+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Tonight I roam the streets looking for supervillains. But wait, it is suddenly morning. A guy walks straight into me."Jeez, sorry man," he says, "It's like you came out of nowhere, man!" He is gesticulating enthusiastically, a wild look of wildness in his eyes as though he is on drugs, or a scientologist. "You wanna do a personality test, man?"

Bennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140596420082810382006-02-23T07:19:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.449+10:00

It is better to be a small fish in a big pond than a big fish on the barbeque.

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1135977070166072832006-02-23T00:06:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:22.848+10:00

The following are much funnier/more interesting than I. Ctrl+alt+del - This is really funny, not henry-the-adequate-funny, which should be a word in the dictionary, and the definition would be something like "***yawn*** thanks for coming." Atland - This is really funny, not henry-the-adequate-funny, which.... but you know the rest. Also there are drawings of semi-naked women, which is a plus,

Bennoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140527198666639232006-02-22T07:04:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.374+10:00

The journey is more important than the destination, unless you're on your way to the pub.

Bennoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140483574795765852006-02-22T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.287+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero."So, what is it you're doing again?" I have some other questions, such as "How did I get here?", "Why are you still around anyway?" and "Why do they use those hideously ineffectual little square plastic things to seal bread?", but these questions don't seem quite as important right now, except possibly the one about the bread."I am connecting

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140344085651572872006-02-21T07:08:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.123+10:00

I met a stranger on the road. He said, "Are we all doomed to repeat the same mistakes?"I said, "No." He seemed happy with that.

Bennoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140335231978177002006-02-21T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.045+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.I have been released from the hospital, the charred remains of which will no doubt be rebuilt in no time. Actually I believe that particular hospital was scheduled to be knocked down anyway, in about fifty years. There is not a cage can hold me, no matter whether you call it a prison, or a cage, or a "burns unit", whatever that is."Mummy, why

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140388592872262642006-02-20T08:17:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:30.206+10:00

Nobody is fat on the internet.To lose weight now, click here:

Bennoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140329109128858342006-02-20T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.961+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero, or possibly a rock lobster.Timothy the reggae squid cruises on down to my octopus's's garden and says, in his reggae voice "Man, you've been watching too many crappy american movies."I realize that this is true because suddenly I am in the happy-feel-good scene at the end of the movie, in which the teenage daughter learns a valuable lesson

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140249569808683222006-02-19T14:02:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.630+10:00

"Henry," a lilting voice sings to me through the pain and darkness, "My name is nurse Feelgood. You're in hospital.""Henry!" I hear June's voice also."Nurse what?""Nurse Feelgood."I laugh. It hurts. I laugh some more. It hurts some more."Yes, um..."I laugh some more. The excruciating pain continues to intensify with each chuckle."Must be the drugs," remarks June, with an embarassed cough."

Bennoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140263713813920782006-02-19T08:37:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.708+10:00

Live each day as if it is your last, because I have xray-vision, and, um... can I borrow ten bucks until Tuesday?

Bennoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140267446222998222006-02-19T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.789+10:00

I am in some kind of arena, a pit, and above a crowd is baying for blood. Well not baying, exactly - more studiously examining myself and my opponent. But I can feel them baying internally their infernal blood lust.I slam my weapon against the wall of the pit, to test its strength. The weapon shatters into several pieces, confirming my suspicion that computers do not make very good weapons. Soon

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140166800521795682006-02-18T06:53:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.406+10:00

Play hard, live fast, ...I forget the rest, but it might have had something to do with spaghetti.Clicking this thingy here could also be helpful, to me at least:

Bennoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140170602668062372006-02-18T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.558+10:00

I stagger into the street amid a hail of beer bottles. Apparently kicking the shit out of a quadraplegic does not go down well with the punters - not even in The Seediest Bar in Seedsville. I am uncertain why.But what was that? I wipe the blood from my eyes and attempt to peer into the distance. I am certain something very honey-badger-like just darted behind an industrial bin. Either that or a

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139918238782211312006-02-17T07:30:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.080+10:00

A fool and his money are soon incinerated, although sometimes it is possible to save the money.

Bennoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1140062366382089512006-02-17T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.333+10:00

"My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. Would you like to see my rocket launcher?"**SLAP** Apparently not."Would you like to see my rocket launcher?"**PUNCH** Wow that guy is strong.I am suddenly feeling quite sober, for some reason - not that I was drunk before. Oh, no, it will take much more than mere alcohol to affect Henry the Adequate, superhero. And, anyway, I am here on a

Bennoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139821283183106312006-02-16T06:19:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.838+10:00

Apparently salt is an important facilitator of skepticism.Oh, did I mention that I'd like you to click here, please:

Bennoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139993883580299182006-02-16T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:29.260+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Today I am field testing some modifications to my rocket-launcher. Fitting a proper blast shield turned out to be impractical on account of the size and weight of such devices. Instead I have managed to retrofit an airbag that I found just lying around in some guy's car. Perfect. And no doubt I will soon find an evil supervillain to try it out

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139819161640878082006-02-15T07:21:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.767+10:00

Beware of geeks baring breasts.

Bennoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139878263241555092006-02-15T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.913+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.Since I have just saved the universe it seems a day off might be in order. Perhaps I should go to the cricket, except we all know how that worked out last time.Instead I am at the beach. It is windy, and raining, and I think somebody just stole my wallet. In other words, it has been a fairly typical day off so far. Now all I need is for some

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139878519680955842006-02-14T12:35:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.989+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a virus hunting superhero.clickety click click. click click clickety.clickclickclickclick clickety click clicky. click. click. double-click.Ah, ha! I nailed that nasty virus thingy! No semi-random sequence of ones and noughts can stand against the might of my magnificent brain, for I am Henry the Adequate, superhero, expert computer guy, and all round

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139809463159798942006-02-14T09:33:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.696+10:00

Every time you look in the mirror remind yourself that you are a good person. Well, unless you happen to be an evil terrorist supervillain, or a record company executive, in which case you should probably avoid mirrors.Also, please click here:

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139808781547867872006-02-14T07:05:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.622+10:00

Beware of greeks bearing shotguns.

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139697748503628222006-02-14T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.477+10:00

"Hello, this is Henry the Adequate, superhero!""Henry, this is Ted.""Ted?""Ted the Competent.""Right. Hi Ted. How's things?""Not so good. I've been arrested. Can you bring five hundred for bail?""Uh..."

Bennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139777721775603982006-02-13T17:20:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.549+10:00

Sometimes nonsense is the only sense there is. And sometimes when you make up stuff that is logically impossible it sounds all deep and meaningful. Not this time, obviously, but sometimes.

Bennoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139657198286196952006-02-13T06:54:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.407+10:00

Yes, your bum does look big in that.This snippet of wisdom inspired by (ok stolen from) Avatar Briefs.

Bennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139655741588037252006-02-13T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.322+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero."As I see it there are two possibilities." The rhyme lord is explaining to me the results of his research into the strange alien computer."Two. Fascinating.""The first possibility is that this is a device so advanced that it can influence the reality-stream, causing quantum fluctuations in the time-space vortex.""Um... Great!" My superheroic

Bennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139655339044730702006-02-12T06:54:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.224+10:00

We live in a world of constant change. Technology is changing. Relationships are changing. Last month I changed my underwear, and may do so again.Oh, and please click here:

Bennoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139518519121459562006-02-12T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:27.997+10:00

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. A new kind a superhero. A gentler, more caring superhero.Because, well apparently there might have been one or two complaints and polite requests for ceasing and desisting from the police, and the mayor. Also a couple of civil rights groups, the RSPCA, the fire department, somebody called Pauline, and my mum.So, I patrol the streets, politely

Bennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17239817.post-1139577632979405562006-02-11T00:01:00.000+10:002006-10-22T08:06:28.144+10:00

Just say no to drugs, because if you're speaking to your drugs, you've had too much already.PS Please click here:

Bennoreply@blogger.com4