Saturday, February 17, 2007

Henry Deals With This

“Henry you moron,” remarks a sensual, savagely erotic voice filled with confidence and amusement. “It seems you do have some balls after all.”

“Uh….” I attempt to cover up, but for some reason my clothes have turned to rags, and ash. So, instead I stand tall and proud and erect and naked, and respond with renewed energy in my deep booming superheroic voice; “Bees Knees… uh… hi.”

“We have unfinished business, Henry.”

Read about the unfinished business at the home of Henry the Adequate, here.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Freedom?

“You have a flamethrower?!”

“Yes I do.”

“Do you think that might be useful, given the current circumstances?” Mr Enthusiasm manages somehow to sound incredulous, enthusiastic, and confused all at the same time. “You know. Encased in ice. Giant mutant snowman. About to die.”

“Now that you mention it…” The flamethrower embedded in my forearm roars its sweet song, like a rampaging torrent of fire on its way to some kind of really hip party. The ice falls from my body as though it were never there, or as though it is on its way to some kind of really hip party.

It seems the snowman may have noticed us. I deduce this because of my superhuman brain power, and because it seems to be charging headlong for us like an enraged buffalo. Roooooooar says the ten foot tall giant mutant snowman as it lets loose a powerful blast of ice...

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Lucky Break

…And in this moment, as I gaze longingly and fearfully up the full length of her perfectly athletic legs and feel the sweat of her body dripping about my face, I realize firstly that this might not be such a bad way to go after all, and secondly that the salt of her perspiration on my cracked, ice-burned lips really really hurts.

Yes, there is pain. There is humiliation. There is dread fear, but there is also desire, anticipation, passion, and a deeply primal lust beyond anything I have ever experienced. Why, the sensations are so incredibly intense my bones are aching for her, my mouth watering as she lowers her self to me, my ears ringing…

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Monument to Evilness

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. I have a pair of high powered, miniature rocket launchers strapped at my belt, a flamethrower embedded in my forearm, ultra-xray super-molecular vision, the strength of one of the ancient titans - the big one - and a brain so incredibly brilliant I can think of a metaphor for my brain faster than you can say “My brain is so incredibly brilliant I can… Uh… thingy.” My super powers of breaking free of a large chunk of ice in which I am currently imprisoned are three hundred and fifty second to none.

Which brings me rather neatly to the situation at hand for, you see, I am currently frozen solid in a block of ice, Mr Enthusiasm similarly encased to my right, and the dastardly ms Bees Knees standing above me like a towering monument to immorality and evilness, blowtorch in hand, purposefully melting the ice that covers several strategic areas of my body...

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Monday, February 05, 2007

Henry, In a Bit of a Pickle

Consciousness returns.

I am frozen solid, upside down, the monster’s fist wrapped around my legs. In his other hand is my new ally, Mr Enthusiasm. Mr E seems less that enthusiastic at the moment, almost as though he is about to die or something. Perhaps I should say something inspirational - you know, to boost morale. “Oh, crap,” I remark, helpfully.

“Ugh,” grunts Mr Enthusiasm, like a blubbering semi-superhero who is not nearly as brave as I, as the hideous snowman creature bears us helpless into the night. I am disoriented for some reason. Lost. Perhaps it is the cold, or the being carried, swinging, upside down, like a rag doll, or an umbrella. But no - these things are not sufficient to mess with my unerring powers of knowing where I am. Clearly the devious creature employs some form of alien mind-scrambling device to screw up my otherwise unscrewable powers.

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Henry, Savior, Hero, Fray Dancer

Again, the chill wind of regret blazes about my shoulders, like the breath of an enormous evil snowman…. Actually, I don’t think that was regret at all…

“Look out!” calls a voice, full of urgency and desperation and a surprising degree of enthusiasm. I notice a brightly clad man with a big shiny “E” on his chest. I notice him because of the way he barrels into me, knocking me across the bonnet of a car and into the bushes on the far side.

Read the rest of this post HERE.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Henry Things About Stuff

The tropical summer sun beats down, like a club on the skull of a baby seal. It is a day of contemplation, of lazy, deep, sometimes disturbing thoughts. Memories. The heat a reflection of past passions, draws, drains, flows, an endless river of timeless perspiration...

For further contemplations from the brain of Henry the Adequate, seal clubber, please check out Henry's new home here.

Or, alternatively, click on the Google ad. That would be neat too.

Henry Hunts the Snowman

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. But I may have already mentioned that. At some juncture. Still, I suppose there is no point taking any chances, since most of my readers are morons. Present company excluded, naturally…

To begin again; my name is Henry the Adequate, superhero, and I am busy questioning some bystanders to what may very well have been a sighting of The Androgynous Snowman, evil mastermind and criminal genius...

Story continues here.

New Beers Steve

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

Tonight I patrol the streets in search of the Androgynous Snowman. I think I am getting close, when all about me there erupts a cacophony of howling and cheering and bustling, and singing - some song about “Old Lana Lang” and some kind of sign. Who would have guessed Smallville was so popular in this town.

There are many uproarious cries of “Have a new beer”, which apparently is some sort of new brand or something. Or maybe it was “Happy Nude Beer!” Whichever. I pause to admire those breweries and there amazing advertising slogans, but not for long - there is important superheroing to be done. I head for the end of the block, where I am almost certain I may have nearly seen the evil snowman fiend doing some dastardly stuff, but am suddenly accosted by a strangely unstable man...

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