Saturday, March 25, 2006

Henry Investigates Some Stuff

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

The Seediest Bar in Seedsville is particularly busy tonight, but I must venture wherever the clues do take me, even if it does happen to be topless night. A barmaid jiggles over to me and I ask for something wobbly, sorry bubbly. I have several.

I survey the bar, looking for my contact, and wondering what kind of information he has for me. Out of the corner of my eye I notice movement, quick and low to the ground. But it is gone.

Ah, ha! There is my contact. I approach sneakily, so as to avoid drawing attention to us. "So, what's the thing?"

He does not respond. I slide some money toward him surretish.... surrep.... sneakily. Something falls to the ground.

"Hey, man, you dropped your cigarettes." Only a mortal could be so clumsy. While bending over to pick them up I notice something small, brown, and very quick darting furtively about beneath some nearby tables. "So," I question the snitch, questioningly, "What do you know?"

He does not speak. Clearly this is the part where I rough him up a bit. I prime my rocket launchers in anticipation, but do not attack quite yet. Surreptitiously I slide a little closer, look him squarely in the eyes, and give him one more chance to speak, just because it is the right thing to do, and also to prove that I can indeed spell that word.

Again I am greeted by silence. In a sudden and unaccusomed fit of reason I decide that destroying him, and the rest of the bar, might be slightly excessive at this point. "Damn you! Just for that you're not getting your cigarettes back!" I go to get another drink.

"Who was that masked man?" remarks a voice from behind me.

"I don't know," says another, "But he seemed really pissed off at the cigarette machine."


Blogger corpus said...

Whoa, whoa, favourite super villain is a....smoker? WTF?

2:23 am  
Blogger Lorraine said... anything against fags?

6:32 am  
Blogger Ben said...

No, he's not.

11:45 am  
Blogger Lorraine said... got anything against fags?

6:26 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

No. Some of my best friends are gay. Or at least, some of them have told jokes about gays, which is nearly the same thing.

6:39 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I thought fag was slang for cigarette in Britain...

4:28 am  
Anonymous Chanakin said...


Nothing wrong with starting the weekend with a good laugh.

(came through Taste The World, btw)

5:19 am  
Blogger Ben said...

It is both.

Thanks for stopping by.

9:39 am  

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