Sunday, March 26, 2006

Henry and the Baby Troll

"Who was that masked man?" remarks a voice from behind me.

"I don't know," says another, "But he seemed really pissed off at the cigarette machine."

But I have no time to introduce myself to intoxicated fans, no matter how adoring they might be, for I have once again spotted the brownish blur of something-or-other that surely needs to be investigated. I dive headlong across the floor, knocking drunken patrons, tables, drinks, and evil supervillains flying in all directions. I make a mental note to come back for those supervillains, and perhaps several of the more attractive drunken patrons. But I have no time for that now. My skillfully directed slide brings me within inches of the strange brown creature. I reach, stretch, miss. Bugger. The monstrous whatever-it-is evades me by the slimmest of margins and dances away nimbly, like a particularly nimble dancing creature.

Meanwhile I am busy slamming head-first into the jukebox, like some kind of cartoon coyote who has just missed the roadrunner, and is now sliding head-first into the side of a mountain, except that it's a jukebox, of course, and not a mountain. Not even a slightly mountainous jukebox. Or a mountain that plays music. I am going to stop talking about mountains now.

I cast about, using my ultra-xray hyper-vision to scan the area faster than a speeding bullet. There! I dive once more across the room, ignoring protest and curses from those I knock down like previously standing things that have just been knocked down. Now I have the creature trapped in a corner of the bar. It stares at me with beady little eyes alight with mischief, like a mischievous staring thing.

"Got you now, evil troll baby!" I grab him by the arm, which turns out to be slimy and encrusted with some kind of brown substance that is vaguely familiar. "Oh, crap!"

"Yes, er, sorry," remarks a nearby woman with an embarassed cough, "That's what it is alright." She scoops up the miniature monster and heads for the toilets before I can even hit him with my de-evilizer ray. "Wait," I call, "Don't you want me to de-evilize him?" But it is too late.

I wash my hands for an hour, just to get the evil out.


Blogger carouselle10 said...

Awwww crap!

12:35 am  
Blogger librarian pirate said...

hehe! Thank you for saving that bar from the evil!

3:35 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Talk about crap...I'd like to hear more about the mountains!

4:31 am  
Blogger Ben said...


librarian Pirate:
I'm a superhero. It's my job.

Mountains are big. Mountains have green stuff on them. Some mountains have white stuff on them. I will climb mount Everest one day - as soon as they put a road through to the summit. Then I will just catch a bus.

9:32 am  
Blogger Larry Sadler said...

Hello, I'm Larry at Lets talk about it.
I stopped by to say thanks for renting my blog space and to let you know that I've posted a welcome there for you.
Thanks again.

9:57 am  
Blogger LETS TALK said...

Hello again, I gave you the wrong blog name for my site. It's Lets talk.
If you have the time, could you please stop by my site and let me know if my template is in order and loading the sidebar on the left and the main content on the right.
Thanks again

10:03 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You can't drive?

6:08 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Even people who can drive are allowed on busses. Try it, you'll see.

10:19 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Now, that's scary!

4:59 pm  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

You should have washed your hands for two hours. You're now infected with Trolloburculosis.

11:03 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Bugger, Trolloburculosis, that sounds serious. I will visit the witch doctor immediately to get some ting tang walla walla bing bang. That usually works on Troll related infections.

Or alternatively I could just set my hands on fire. Again.

11:27 pm  

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