Friday, March 17, 2006

Henry and the Alien Invasion

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

In the distance I notice something suspicious. It is only my superhuman senses that allow me to detect the gigantic spacecraft that is hovering above the city and raining death and destruction on the central business district like an enormous killing machine raining death and destruction on the city below.

But I am not phased. I concentrate, clear my mind, focus only on the time-threads that I now dimly perceive as passing through me. Gently I reach out with my growing awareness and tug on several of the threads, like a seamstress gently tugging on one of those sewing related things.

Now I am thirty minutes in the past. I know exactly what I must do, because I have seen that movie, with that guy in it. I hurry inside, grab my laptop computer thingy, a Microsoft Windows XP CD, and a day-old slice of pizza - you know, for the trip. Then I jump into the nearest alien spacecraft, and before you know it I'm on the mother ship and plugging into some kind of data port. Funny, but it seemed to take a lot longer in the movie.

Anyway, the data port doesn't quite match my network cable, so I hammer it in with a hammer that just happens to be lying around on the alien spacecraft. This works wonderfully, at least to the degree that sparks and flames soon start pouring from my laptop. The alien ship seems relatively undamaged though, which is a pity.

I check my watch. In less that ten minutes the aliens will unleash their irresistable destructive force on an unsuspecting planet. Bugger. My brilliant brain furiously ponders the situation, searching for clues in all that has occurred, and in my surroundings, and in other movies that I have seen. I try not to think too much about the ending to Butch and Sundance. Pricilla, Queen of the Desert is also of limited helpfulness.

But wait! I have the perfect plan, which I will tell you about next time because I am lying about having a plan. In the meantime I recommend large quantities of alcohol.


Blogger corpus said...

I really mean it when I say this Henry thing has potential. As you know I am a huge comic book fan. I think you should copyright this. Don't let em take this from you. Seriously.

Also, I know this sounds strange but I had a dream last night that you were my date to this ballroom galla. And the only reason I knew it was you was because of your accent.

1:14 pm  
Blogger corpus said...

Here's the Preacher link. It's one of the best comic books I've read, I think you might like it:

1:16 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

LOL...but Butch and Sundance did not have a computer. I have Windows XP, am I cool?

5:20 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

According to my understanding copyright is pretty much an automatic thing. But just in case it's not, here's my copyright notice:
"It's mine, dammit, all mine! Get your grubby hands off of my words!"

I've never been to a gala, so couldn't have been me, sorry. I have been called a galah though, if that helps.

I will look at the preacher.

I am afraid that Windows XP is about as uncool as you can get. Sorry.

8:11 pm  

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