Saturday, March 18, 2006

Henry and the Alien Invasion - Part two

I try turning the computer on and off a couple of times, but for some strange reason that fails to produce any results. Also my fingers get a bit burned on account of the flames coming out of the keyboard. They sure don't make them like they used to.

"Halt, feeble humanoid," calls out a voice in english. All aliens speak english, apparently, which is a real bonus when it comes to communicating with them. I spin to face my foe, who happens to look exactly like the aliens from The Simpsons, which goes to show just how twisted the universe really is, and definitely says nothing whatsoever about just how lazy I am. Kang, the alien, waves his tentacles about menacingly, as though he is trying to menace me in some way.

"You can menace me all you like, foul hell spawn," I announce bravely, "But whatever you do, don't take my super-encrypted highly top secret CD containing the secret of Earth's defences!"

"What did you say?"

"On second thoughts, here, take it. I am certain that your sadly ineffectual computers cannot possibly decode the secret of eternal youth, not to mention weapons beyond your wildest dreams." I toss over the CD.

"Ha!" snorts Kang, as he hands the disk to an underling, "We can easily defeat your pathetic encryption techniques, humanoid."

"Oh, damn. Such a fool I have been." My super powers of acting know no limits. Soon the aliens are concentrating on some kind of computer-like screen, until...

"Arrrrrrgh! Get it out of there, quick!"

"Bugger, it is too late!"

"No no, quick, call this number and tell them that you do not accept the terms and conditions. It is our only hope!"

"It is engaged! We're doomed!"

"What is this blue screen? Oh, no, we are spinning out of control. Inertial dampeners are not responding, Captain! She Canna take it."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!"

That Windows XP sure is powerful stuff.

8 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

Bill (with the helpful brilliance of Henry) saves the world again. Here I thought XP was about as useful as a shiny frisbee.

I'm installing Ubuntu as soon as I replace my CD drive which decided this was a good time to die.

4:39 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Well, at least it is shiny.

Gee, seems everyone's using Ubuntu these days. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I'm running Debian Etch myself, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't.

5:25 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

And you said I wasn't cool...then again you're a fucking liar and lazy to boot, sigh...how can one ever compare

8:08 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

One can indeed compare. Comparison is fundamental to rational thought. Not that you'll see much of that around here.

10:24 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

why do you think,
(I come so often------- imagine that there is a strike through----)I visit so often!!!

12:38 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes, of course.

10:05 pm  
Anonymous keith said...

u think that's powerful just wait until windows vista comes out. unbuntu is just debian for dummies. that's why i use ubuntu. although i do like that aussie gentoo version of linux with all the eye candy, kororaa. if windows wasn't so terrible i would probably be unemployed...

1:23 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes, well Ubuntu is a fine distro - no doubt about that. And certainly there are many fine chaps such as ourselves who earn not-so-insignificant sums keeping Windows boxen limping along. It's a wonderful thing.

9:46 am  

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