Saturday, February 18, 2006

Testing Henry

I stagger into the street amid a hail of beer bottles. Apparently kicking the shit out of a quadraplegic does not go down well with the punters - not even in The Seediest Bar in Seedsville. I am uncertain why.

But what was that? I wipe the blood from my eyes and attempt to peer into the distance. I am certain something very honey-badger-like just darted behind an industrial bin. Either that or a cat. Possibly a herd of rampaging elephants. At this point there may be several possible explanations that could possibly explain what I think I may have seen.

I approach cautiously, priming my brand new hyper-powered miniature rocket launcher with the patented and extremely clever airbag system in place of the blast shield. No doubt the government will soon be knocking down my door and begging me to sell them several million of these. But that is of little concern at this moment. Right now my mind is focused solely on the hunt, for my ultra-super senses are screaming their warning of impending proximity, and I am certain that battle will soon be joined. Well, mostly certain. I have a fairly clear idea of what is about to happen.

Yes, there is the evil honey badger, standing there all shiny and silvery and massive on its pillar-like hind legs, nasty looking weapons projecting from its powerful metallic arms. Actually there is a slight possibility that this may not, in fact, be the honey badger. This possibility is supported somewhat by what happens next.

"Bow down before me, pathetic Human!" snarls the now-almost-certainly-not-a honey badger, in its powerful robotic voice. The arms are currently swinging those vicious looking weapons in my direction.

"Never, fiend!" Like a finely tuned and brilliantly conceived killing machine my rocket launcher discharges, preceded at exactly the right instant by the jury-rigged airbag protection device, sending several mind-blowingly powerful yet super-miniaturized rockets screaming with all the speed and force of a super fast and extremely forceful rocket directly to the target. A massive explosion rocks the area, and I thing there may be pieces of either honey badger or robotic killing machine raining down about me. Whichever. Somehow I am finding it hard to concentrate on this extremely important detail. Perhaps it is the shock of the explosion. Or perhaps it is the fact that I seem to have shrink-wrapped myself.

I struggle in vain against the airbag, which appears to have been melted onto my body by the powerful exhaust of the rockets. I cannot breathe. Every inch of me experiences the agony of white hot firey stuff. I think that possibly the rocket launcher may still need a little work.

Then I think nothing at all.

5 Comments:

Blogger carouselle10 said...

Shrink wrapped! That gives me an idea. Let's market Henry the Adequate dolls and make us a fortune! But without the air bag.

1:46 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Honey is good for burns or is sticky..one of the two.
Dear Henry, would you like me to send nurse feelgood, or bare nun?

6:42 am  
Blogger Ben said...

carouselle:
I like the way you think :)

lorraine:
lol let's just wait for the next exciting episode. Well, not exciting so much as interesting. Would you believe mildly entertaining?

6:50 am  
Blogger Marti said...

Every now and then Blog Explosion lands me on a beauty (drops to knees and extends arms to praise BE)

I love original thinking and writing, and you have definitely got both going for you!

I don't follow battle of the blog, or I would have voted for you. I do blogmark and blogroll though, and you’ll be on both.

Thank you for brightening my tour through Creditville.

2/18/06

9:25 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Thanks for the ego boost Marti.

I've only been playing with Battle of the Blogs for the past 24 hours or so. It is mildly amusing.

9:37 am  

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