Saturday, February 04, 2006

Henry and the Rhyme Lord - part 16

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

"I've got it!" And I do indeed have the answer. I know how we can avoid the end of the universe. Everything will be ok now, because I, Henry the Adequate, superhero, have come up with the solution. "We use your time machine - when you've finished fixing it that is - and we go and live in the past!"

"That won't work," says the rhyme lord like a bucket of cold water being thrown on some copulating dogs.

"Of course it will work!" I enthuse with a degree of enthusiasm beyond the power of mere mortals, "do you not know who you are dealing with, rhyme lord?"

"Unfortunately time is a function of the universe in which we live, so when the universe ends time will also cease to exist." Does he think I am a fool?

"Do you think I am a fool?" Thanks to my enormous intellect I spot the flaw in his explanation almost immediately - well, within five or ten minutes. "If time ceases to exists... has ceased to exist... will cease to exist... well how is it we're still here now?"

"It's complicated," he explains helpfully. Clearly he is just sore because it was I thought up the brilliant plan by which we may escape the end of everything. But wait, it appears he has still been talking.

"What?"

"It's complicated," he explains helpfully, "by the fact that time is both absolute and relative simultaneously. The events in which you were involved are leading inevitably toward universal unbeingness..."

"allegedly," I interject, for the sake of accuracy.

"What?"

"allegedly involved."

"Anyway, those events occurred, and are still occurring, within a particular temporal frame of reference, and the Now-Point of that frame of reference has not yet reached the moment of universal armageddon. When it does, this reality will cease to exist."

"Would you like a hamster? It's a bit slimy."

7 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

How often can I say "you're brilliant" before you get a big head?

2:34 am  
Blogger carouselle10 said...

Amazing theories! And a delightful hamster to boot! But ewwwwwwwww!

2:58 am  
Anonymous Keith said...

Whenever I have a bad day I like to read this blog and watch the stuff at www.angryalien.com. Then I feel better.

Thanks Ben!

3:44 am  
Anonymous T said...

Send the hamster back - he wasn't involved....besides when's the next time you'll get to say "The Hamster saved the day!".

4:23 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Lorraine:
Thanks. Too late though.

carouselle:
Yes, the hamster is definitely the best developed character in Henry. Might even get its own spinoff blog.

keith:
You're welcome. The angry alien gets my vote also.

t:
I don't think I can send him/her back. The hamster has infultrated my brain and cannot be removed.

6:32 am  
Blogger SquareGirl said...

yes, well reality may cease to exist, but I am quite sure that it is the slimy hamster (not diamonds, like peoplemistakenly think) that is Forever.

4:50 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes, after nuclear armageddon only the cockroaches and slimy hamsters will survive, and I'm not too sure about the cockroaches.

10:05 pm  

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