Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Great Battles of Henry #3

I am in some kind of arena, a pit, and above a crowd is baying for blood. Well not baying, exactly - more studiously examining myself and my opponent. But I can feel them baying internally their infernal blood lust.

I slam my weapon against the wall of the pit, to test its strength. The weapon shatters into several pieces, confirming my suspicion that computers do not make very good weapons. Soon another laptop is brought forth, so that the battle may finally begin. I swing the device about my head in preparation for hurling it at him with all of my superheroic strength.

But wait, what is this? Instead of preparing for battle he sits and begins typing furiously into his own computer. I am beginning to suspect that I may be missing some information of some kind, such as the rules of this contest. I open the laptop. Soon the display comes on. There is one of those rectangular things that look like windows - I forget what they are called. In it there appears to be a place for me to type stuff, below which is a button labelled "Publish Post".

I type "Die evil minion of chaos!", then click on "Publish Post". A murmor of disapproval. I notice now that there are fifteen judges at one end of the arena. Three of them appear to be giving me a thumbs-down sign, and my opponent a thumbs-up. Damn. I type "You cannot defeat me, foul creature of the night, for I am Henry the Adequate, superhero!"

I have one vote. My opponent now has eleven. Bugger. Damn. It appears I cannot win, and once three more votes have been cast I will have to face whatever doom these evil slave masters have in store for me. But no, this cannot be - for I am Henry the Adequate, and no doubt they do not count on my magnificent intellect, or my superheroic powers of psychic control!

The flamethrower embedded in my forearm roars to life, reducing my opponent, his computer, and approximately eleven of the judges to steaming piles of ash. The remaining judges hastily register their votes in my favour, the terror evident in their eyes.

The crowd roars. Victory is mine.

This epic contest of brainpower brought to you by the Battle of the Blogs.


Blogger Lorraine said...


five minutes later: I'm technically inapt. So Ben, could you go into my blog, grab whatever html stuff you need to be me, and vote for you, as many times as I (you) can get away with it) OK?

11:47 pm  
Anonymous Brenza said...

"confirming my suspicion that computers do not make very good weapons" They are also no match at kick boxing either.

12:13 am  
Blogger Ben said...

I don't think I'll be doing that, but thanks for the offer :)

Actually maybe I could steal your identity then vote for the other guy.

12:14 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes, I've heard that before :)

12:15 am  
Blogger iwrite said...

Hey Ben,

I'm having so much fun reading this I linked you on my blog. :)

6:38 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Thanks Leigh. I appreciate any links I can get.

For those of you who can't copy and paste, Leigh's blog is The Spinning Pen

Go and take a look. Tell him I sent you.

8:32 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

It would have been better if Henry had left us that link!

and you can steal bare nun's identitty

8:31 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Uh, thanks, but I have several identities of my own.

7:48 am  

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