Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Wisdom of Henry #37

Everybody lies, especially on resumes, and when discussing other more intimate stuff that I'm not going to go into right now because this is a family site, and also because the girl scouts I have locked in the basement are ready to talk. Soon I will know where they have hidden the loot, and probably won't need to incinerate any more of them either. Pity.


Blogger Lorraine said...

I'm a pro at résumés, can I do yours?

7:30 pm  
Anonymous T said...


4:56 am  
Anonymous Miss Ann Thrope said...

I think Henry missed the memo on the family friendly thing.


Henry needs some protein shakes and maybe some omega 3 fatty acids. He's getting absent minded.

I'm just saying.

5:09 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Sure. Just write whatever you like.

I have no response to that. Actually, here's one now. "Ok"

Miss Ann:
Interesting. Guess I could refer you to the comments on this post: This post
Also I need to remind you that Henry is always right, and that any plot inconsistencies you might be experiencing are really just a fragment of your figmentation. It is also possible, nay likely, that I have missed the point of your comment completely, and in this case you should rest assured that it is deliberate and according to plan and all shall be revealed in the fullness of time.

Phew, dodged the bullet on that one.

7:04 am  
Anonymous T said...

Ahem....girl scout cookies...get your mind out of the gutter so mine can float by....

8:15 am  
Blogger Ben said...

"get your mind out of the gutter so mine can float by" What a brilliant line. Wish I'd thought of it.

10:45 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Henry The Adequate
No Known Address
Don't call me. I'll call you.

Linguistic Profile: The language of tongues, and also of Superheroes

Summary of Qualifications:
.Certified arsonist
.Excellent communication skills, enjoy warning massive destroyers of impending death.
.Do no discriminate, will equally kill innocent-looking but really not cookie-selling children as infinetely monstruous monsters.
.Ability to kill a team as well as individuals.
.Willing to work overtime, as long as I can eat pizza

Professional Accomplishments:

. Do thorough 2 minute research before I eliminate the monstruous monster and also
. I don't need to do research because of my massive superpower brain that knows everything instantly, the instant it is needed

Community Liaison:
. Involved appropriate partners including district school board, in-school and community resources in one place and then burned the place down
.Coordinated and killed possible liaison with police and security vendors, who weren't vendors at all but really data models out to kill.

Technical Something:
.Installed and maintained computers of all types except for IBM, Hewlett Packard, Dell and Compaq and all the other known types
.Used diagnostic and troubleshooting skills to repair computers and peripherals including scanners and printers and once problem known, blasted the thingys in a nice fiery form
.Ability to burn down all users with respect to LAN, WAN, hardware, software, operating systems and applications.


Ms Bees Knees
My sister
The people left that I didn't burn

I'll do Ben's some other time, it's complicated

8:50 pm  
Blogger corpus said...

Dude you are one sick mofo.

I don't even know why I read this.

9:39 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

oh and If I may ask a few questions of other bloggers, you don't mind do you Ben?:
T...What's with the cookies? I don't understand the inference...but I'm French, I learn quickly.

Isn't it because he's soooo cute ;)

10:36 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

but also the wife, we know Ben :) plus you're twenty years too young for me.
so can I do your resume now?

10:51 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Lorraine: Great :) You really are good at those things.
Isis: Thanks.
Lorraine: Um.... o...k...I...guess. Not that I'm looking for a job, in case my current employers are reading this - unless you were going to offer me a raise to stay in which case yeah sure I'm looking around.

11:04 pm  
Anonymous T said...

lorraine: Girl Scouts sell the most wonderful cookies in the whole world, so I made a suggestion to the superhero one that if he was going to incinerate them to first save the cookies :)

4:38 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

t. I didn't realize my photo looked innocent or STUPID, come on give me the real scoop. Never mind, I'll go ask Ms. Bees Knees

and Ben, I'm working on..hum your thingy you know, in case your boss is reading this

4:56 pm  
Anonymous T said...

lorraine: ummm ok sure the real scoop...wait there is no "real scoop", its all about the girl scout cookies - and I never said anything about your picture...geez lighten up.

2:28 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

hmmm you know I was playing with you, right? you understand that all logic is left behind when you visit Henry. Henry talks a lot about figments of fragmentation, no worries, I love cookies...

2:55 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

and also, I was bitchy yesterday...don't sending Henry after me ok?

3:07 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Where are you? did t take you over?

10:30 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Been away. Back. Working on next episode. Can't talk.

3:39 pm  

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