Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Really Important Henry and June Post

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

"So, June, what's up?" I could have picked a better place for a meeting, but how was I to know that The Seediest Bar In Seedsville would turn out to be so seedy.

"It's Louise. I think there's something weird going on," June understates, as though she is going for the all-time understatement record or something. Saying that something weird is going on with my sister is the approximate equivalent of saying to a massively pregnant woman, "so, you're going to have a baby." ie: kind of redundant.

"You're not pregnant are you?"

"No!" June seems surprised at the question for some reason, "I think there may be a kind of strange supernatural presence that takes over her brain and making her do things."

"I understand completely," I reassure. Reassurance is very important when you're a superhero, because mere mortals are very fragile and stuff. Not to mention stupid, and more than slightly insane.

"You do?"

"No, not at all." You can only go so far with reassurance, after all.

But what is that? My super xray mega vision detects a shadowy figure in the corner wearing a dark coat, a hat and dark sunglasses who seems somehow to be projecting an air of dangerous watchfulness as (s)he peers intently at us. Just to the right of his/her table is the thing that is bothering me.

"... and then all of a sudden the presence is gone, and she is back to normal." June looks really worried, and may have just been speaking to me, but let's not go jumping to any conclusions. I nod wisely.

"Louise acting normal. That is very disturbing indeed."

"What?"

"Excuse me for just a second." This has been going on long enough, and I must put a stop to it immediately. I stand and stride accross the room, purposefulness in every measured step. The shadowy figure heads for the exit, as though pursued by a furious superhero. But I will not be denied, or distracted. My axe rises and falls, rises and falls as I, the angel of vengeance, do satiate my wrath on the body of the beast.

The television shatters into a million tiny shards of its former wholeness. Damn those reality TV shows. I hate them. Hate hate hate. Anyway... "So, June, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that right in the middle of a chat Lou will jump up and start destroying things, then come back and continue the conversation as if nothing unusual has happened," she explains, a strangely inexplicable look of horror and dawning realization on her face. This is indeed interesting. Perhaps some kind of supernatural evil really is afoot. I wonder what else June can tell me. "But anyway, I must be going now..." She hurries nervously away like somebody with diarrhea who is miles from home and doesn't like public toilets.

I am about to go after her to find out what is wrong, but suddenly realize that there is an extremely urgent matter I must take care of at home, like, Right Now.

11 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

LOL, LOL, LOL I can't help it you're too funny. I'm trying to remember: what was I doing when I discovered Henry the Adequate??? apart from checking out blogs, because if was an accident! Thank God for destiny.
I remember fondly the second time I tried to find it, I was looking under Harry the Adequate, it didn't really seem adequate, but I got confused with that little guy with the round glasses.

11:35 pm  
Anonymous Brenza said...

Wouldn't that be cool to have super xray mega vision. Imagine the things you could see.. Or maybe not want to see?? heh

2:30 am  
Anonymous T said...

Great I haven't had a good earworm in awhile, but I guess if I'm gonna have one it might as well be Van Halen. The lyrics somehow fit Henry - maybe something to do with his time travel.

Right now Hey! It's your tomorrow
Right now Come on, it's everything
Right now Catch your magic moment
Do it right here and now
It means everything

5:17 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Lorraine:
Thanks. I remember when I discovered Henry. Was sitting right here in this spot trying to think of something to write a blog about and decided that it would have to be something I really really know a lot about - either that or total bullshit so I could just make up whatever crap I wanted to. Naturally I chose the second one, because I am lazy and do not like research.

Brenza:
Henry only uses is powers for goodness and the sake of all mankind. Never for personal gratification like Superman did that time - you know, checking out Lois Lane's knickers.

t:
Earworm. Is that a reference to "The Wrath of Kahn"?

7:04 am  
Anonymous T said...

Heh...it could be I won't admit it. I have been known to watch a few or many episodes of that geeky show and its subsequent movies...or maybe not me but people I know, or maybe people I know talking about people they know who are trekkies...but definately not me.
An earworm is when someone makes a suggestion to a song, like whistling, humming, or actually attempting to sing it and then its stuck in your ear like a worm..hence earworm.

7:17 am  
Blogger Ben said...

t:
I believe you. Absolutely. I myself have never even heard of Star Trek. Thank you for explaining the earworm thing, because I am not up on all that slang stuff like you youngsters. To quote Douglas Adams: "If you guys were any less hip your bums would fall off."

That's me, bumless.

12:42 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'm still laughing, anyway, I thought more people should get amused, so I did a quick, real quick post on Henry the Adequate, check it out, it was yesterday's...I shared it with those who drop on my blogs as they're mostly philosophers, writers, photographers and poets...and I want them to laugh as much as I always do, or at least smile, they may not be twisted enough (yet :)
Cheers!

7:03 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Thanks Lorraine. Nice pics btw, not that I would know anthing about the art of photography or anything. My photos all suck, kind of like my writing, only worse. Rule of Thirds - that's where every third photo is almost in focus, right?

10:20 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Thanks Ben :) and also the rule of thumb, every 4th picture has a big dumb thumb print (never happened to me!!!!#$@^%^^)

12:13 am  
Blogger Ben said...

lol Rule of Thumb. I like that one.

Then of course there's "sunny sixteen" which says that if you give in to temptation with that sixteen year old you won't be seeing the sun again for a very long time.

7:12 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'd only give in if you reversed the numbers :)

11:43 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home