Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Henry Pursues the Pollutionist

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

In pursuit of that arch villain and most evil mastermind, the pollutionist, I am. Speak like Yoda I will. Becoming annoying very quickly it is. Care I do not. And anyway it's free, so no right to complain have you.

I am pretty sure the car he escaped in, which was sort of car sized, and had some kind of coloured paint on it, and looked like one of those foreign ones, or possibly a domestic model, or maybe it was a truck.... I am pretty sure the car he escaped in turned left just up ahead. I think that this is probably just a clever ploy to throw me off the scent, so I turn right, and am immediately certain that I have made the correct decision, because the street here has cars in it. Furthermore, some of them clearly contain minions of The Pollutionist because of the smoke coming from their exhausts. I stop one of these using my super powers of car stopping, drag the driver out, and demand to know where his master has gone.

"I have not seem Mistress Stanley, and I do not know what you are talking about," responds the evil hellspawn minion as though he is reading from some kind of script.

"Fool! You cannot protect the evil one from my super powers of finding evil ones, for I am Henry the Adequate, superhero!"

"I have never even heard of Mistress Stanley," he replies, and winces in pain as though some kind of dominatrix has been whipping him some place that might result in discomfort when he sits down.

I employ my most subtle interrogation technique. "Where is The Pollutionist? Talk, scum!"

"The what?" He looks at the same time both confused and relieved, as though he has just discovered that some lewd and depraved and extremely embarassing secret has not just been discovered, "What's a pollutionist?"

I realize now that The Pollutionist, master criminal that he is, has used some devious and dastardly hallucination powers, by which he can cause even his own minions to forget that he exists - otherwise I am certain that this worm would have spilled his guts all over the pavement in response to my peerless interrogation skills. I illustrate this point by striking the person rather firmly in the stomach, which causes him to spill his guts all over the pavement.

I release the evil minion and raise my fist to the heavens in an heroic pose of defiance. "Damn you, evil Pollutionist!"

2 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

no right to complain have I
and more twisted I would have to be
to tell a story such as thee

I'm all cracked up ;)

12:43 am  
Blogger Ben said...

:) I do what I can.

6:53 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home