Thursday, January 05, 2006

Henry and the Rhyme Lord - Part 5

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

"Come, rhyme lord," I announce confidently, "We must go!" I drag him over to his boxy grey time machine. It is time, once again, for Henry the Adequate, superhero, to spring into action like a well oiled, um, spring.

"Wh..." he argues shrewdly, "There's nothing we can do. All is doomed."

"Fool! We must go back, or forward, or crossward or whatever, in time and stop me from destroying the multiverse. When I fell through the trans-dimensional portal, and the quantum particle accelerator discharged - that is where, when, we must go."

He is protesting that it will not work, and going on about something or other. Time paradox, or cross-inverted reality loops, and stuff like that. But I will have none of it. Dumping him before the controls of the machine I give him the appropriate date and demand compliance.

"Dates and dates and take us to where our fate awaits," he intones into the device, like a particularly inept poet, while at the same time fiddling with some buttons and knobs and levers like a particularly inept pilot.

We exit into a street I recognize as being close to our destination. Excellent. My plan is going according to plan like a well oiled, um, plan. "Come, Doctor Whatever-your-name-is, we must tarry no longer."

"This really is a bad idea," he suggests, while bravely guarding the rear.

We enter the grocery store and head for the appropriate aisle. "Ok, this is the place, and with five minutes to spare. We shall wait."

We wait. And wait. And wait. Damn this interminable waiting. Four minutes to go...

Finally the time arrives, but I rather inconsiderately fail to fall through a trans-dimensional portal in the ceiling. "Ok, maybe it was a bit later. We should wait some more." We wait some more, and some more after that. "Um... maybe it was the Monday. Take me to tomorrow Doctor What!"

"Ok, but it's not going to work."

"Shut up and drive."


Blogger Lorraine said...

Well-oiled post...aaaaa, I want to say something brilliant 'cause you're sooo funny, but not being a superfunnyheroauthor :( I fail miserably,
hope you're having a well-deserved blast (not the Henry Adequate kind) :)

8:14 pm  
Anonymous keith said...

Doctor Whatever-your-name-is sounds just like my wife. ;-)

2:39 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh Henry (they should name something after you)

8:35 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Lorraine: thanks :)

Keith: I was going to try and say something clever like "Yes, I've heard that about your wife." or perhaps something crude and sexually explicit, but last time I tried something like that there were all the death threats and abusive phone calls and stuff and then there were those police guys digging holes in my garden again and all that.

10:01 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh...I see, we've skipped ahead in the time machine and it's February?
Could you send me back somewhere?

11:20 pm  

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