Saturday, January 21, 2006

Henry and the Rhyme Lord - Part 12

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I step out of the blazing rhyme machine, glance about, and gasp gaspingly, like a professional gasper at a gasping conference, until I have repeated the word gasp so many times that it loses all meaning.

Before me is a hall, fairly narrow, and at first glance rather ordinary, containing two rows of desks, each with a computer, and a user. The strange thing - the thing that makes me gasp - is the way the room appears to be infinitely long.

"What?" mutters a strange looking person with a stunned look of confusion on his face, just below his tentacles, "Who... how..."

"I am Henry the Adequate, superhero!" I announce proudly, though with an odd feeling as though I have just turned up at work naked. Why is everyone looking at me? But, of course, they probably have not seen a superhero before. Yes, that must be it.

"But..." explains the pseudo-humanoid eloquently. Then I notice some guys with weapons of some kind heading my way rather quickly, and the apparently infinite supply of computer nerds are starting to crowd menacingly about like an unimaginably large number of weirdly tentacled aliens menacing a handsome superhero in an impossibly long room.

What to do? My enormous brain gets to work on the problem with all the super brain powers at my disposal, like a well oiled.. um... thing that needs oil to operate. Desperately I lunge for the nearest computer, and, holding it aloft do defiantly shout "Halt, or the computer gets it!" My supercharged ultra xray senses note with a minor complete lack of understanding that the computer does not appear to have a power source of any kind, and that it is still operating.

But I have no time to wonder why aliens apparently advanced enough to design an infinitely long room, and a computer that operates without power still find it necessary for said computer to be in the form of a beige box. No, I must focus on the reaction of the aliens to my brilliant gambit.

There is a deafening silence, followed by another. The armed aliens have indeed halted their advance, an expression of horror on their speckled features. I back slowly toward the time ship, which appears to have stopped burning. Inside, and the lights are out, possibly because of the fire that has just gutted this machine, and there is a strong smell of smoke and fried electrical circuits. I drop the computer and locate the controls using my super powers of feeling around blindly in the dark. "Take me home, but not to Rome, cause that's not where I live," I poeticize brilliantly, then smash at the melted blobs of stuff that used to be control knobs and levers.

In defiance of all logic the machine hums to life, groans briefly as though it has just been completely trashed and horribly disfigured by fire, then lurches about for a bit before finally coming to rest with the now-familiar thud of arrival.

"Well that worked out ok," I announce cheerfully as I step from the fire-blackened remains of the rhyme machine and collapse wearily into the nearest chair. I wonder what is on TV.


Blogger Lorraine said...

ah goodie it's repeat season!!!!
but the gasping bit, that's new or maybe I missed that part when I went to grab a snack...

11:59 pm  
Anonymous T said...

Ahhh yes who could forget that favorite classic from the loveable homeless people in Smackover, Arkansas - Take me home.

Take me home but not to Rome, cause thats not where I live.
I do not live in a dome, nor a house made of foam.
Not to the mental home or nursing home cause thats not where I live.
I do not live in a house of chrome or dusty loam.
Take me home but not to Nome, cause thats not where I live.
The use of my superpower ohm or teleporting comb,
Will surely get me to the funeral home but thats not where I live.
Am I to suffer more of this poem and continue to roam?
I'll end this tome with a hearty Shalom. (My rhyming please forgive.)
Driver take me to the nearest pub.

4:49 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:50 am  
Blogger Ben said...

It's always repeat season here, cause I just repeat the same jokes over and over.

Brilliant. All literary and stuff cause it rhymes. I really did laugh out loud, though that could have been insane giggling.

7:53 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Well...not true...You can't fool me, you know the backward thinghy...

9:09 pm  

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