Sunday, December 11, 2005

Henry's Bluff

"Halt, or the hyperdimensional portal gets it!" In desperation I point the quantum particle accelerator at the portal. At this moment I hope that I am holding onto the correct end of the device. The robot freezes. All of the technicians freeze. The one nearest to me cleares his throat.

"So.... Is that a quantum particle accelerator?"


"Maybe you could point it away from the event horizon?"

Does he think I am a fool? I point the device even more pointedly at the transdimensional portal. "Step aside, Mr Chaos Lord," I challenge the Robot.

"You cannot use that," the robot speaks, "Are you not aware of what would happen?"

"Of course I know what would happen," I assure the evil one. Who does he think he is dealing with? I am Henry the Adequate, superhero and all round genius. "Bad things."

The robot overlord motions to the technician who has previously spoken. "Yeah, very bad things." The technician moves to come closer, but backs off when I make further threatening motions. "There are three possible outcomes to firing a quantum particle accelerator into the event horizon."

"Only three? Ha! I know of at least five!" Do these fool think they can intimidate Henry the Adequate? I will show them the meaning of intimidation. Also, of sophistry, which I just looked up. That is a neat word.

For some reason the technician ignores me, and continues. "Best case scenario - the universe in which the accelerator is activated would cease to exist." Ok, that's not quite what I'd expected him to say - I was rather counting on something slightly less drastic. "Second possibility - The multiverse collapses to a single universe, and all other realities cease to exist. And thirdly, the accelerator malfunctions, its power cell explodes, destroying this building and closing the portal to your reality forever."

"Um... so how come the third one isn't the best case scenario?"

The technician shrugs. "From a scientific viewpoint it is rather boring."

"Ha! You scientists with your singularities and your event horizons and your digital watches. You think you are so clever. But I am Henry the Adequate, superhero, and I have an enormous brain much cleverer than yours! Now, let's do some science." I begin slowly to squeeze the quantum actualizer, also known as a trigger.

"Wait!" The Robot Lord of Chaos moves aside so that I may pass, "I see that you are indeed a moron."


Blogger Lorraine said...

You crack me up egg-man :)

5:42 am  

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