Thursday, December 15, 2005

Henry Saves the Children

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

There seems to be a commotion of some kind happening over by the toy section. On closer investigation it appears that a guy in a red suit and a fake beard is pretending to be Santa. That bastard. As if Santa doesn't have enough work to do without imposters running around promising kids all sorts of impossible things.

This false Santa has some snotty faced kid on his lap and appears to be discussing the merits of something called "Ninja turtles". I make my way stealthily into a suitable position to observe as events unfold. I must determine if this Santa is a threat to the children, and if he is working for the Slave masters, and if there might be a chance of me receiving a train set this year.

The boy disembarks abruptly from Santa's ample lap and is about to leave. "Would you like some gummi bears?" Oh no, this must surely be a plot of the evil slave masters and their slave-race, the highly insidious and clever Gummi Bear monsters. The Santa man offers a bag of what may or may not contain mutant gummi bears.

Immediately I leap into action, taking the child in a flying tackle as his hand is about to close on the Brown Paper Bag of Death.

The boy's mother begins hittings me with a cricket bat she just happened to have in her trolley as though she is really grateful that I have saved her son, but for some reason believes that I am a masochist or something. I see security guards are rushing over, presumably to nab the evil bogus Santa.

Satisfied at a job well done, I release the boy and leave the area, so as to avoid any further gratitude.


Blogger Lorraine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need treament Henry, run to me, I'll tell no one where you are!!! I won't even sponge bath you
Nurse Feelgood

11:58 pm  
Anonymous Miss Ann Thrope said...

My hero ~swoon~

1:42 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Lorraine: Henry is not afraid.

Nurse Feelgood: Henry does not trust the medical profession, because they keep trying to put him in one of those white jackets that fits on backwards.

Miss Ann: I catch the falling swoonee, and lower her gently to the ground. "Fear not, brave minx, I shall return for you just as soon as I have found the mother of Isis."

6:23 am  

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