Thursday, December 08, 2005

Henry Returns to Wonderland

[this story follows on from Henry and Infinite Chaos which follows on from a whole heap of other stuff]
My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I emerge from the hyperdimensional portal at a velocity approaching that of a really really fast object, crash through the ceiling with a not-insignificant amount of pain, and soar for a few moments before plummeting toward the ground. This, I think, is going to hurt.

Fortunately my fall is broken by a large concrete object generally referred to as a footpath. I bounce a few metres into the street - yes superheroes do indeed bounce, unlike mere mortals - and come to rest briefly against the windscreen of a passing bus before falling in a shower of glass to the road. This hurts so much I almost stop dictating.

I climb to my feet, brush myself off with the maximum amount of cool that is possible for a person in my present condition, and swagger off down the street. It is possible that my swagger is more of a stagger, but hopefully nobody noticed anything untoward, and anyway I'm sure superheroes fall from the sky all the time in this crazy mixed-up world.

"Wow man, that was excellent!" remarks an unkempt long-haired balding person with a belly that speaks of too many beers, and an odour that speaks of too few showers. Despite the apparent lack of personal hygiene, his clothing appears to be in good condition, and he wears an expensive watch. It can mean only one thing - this person is the CEO of a software company. "I mean look at you all covered in blood and shit and just walking around like nothing happened and shit. Man you must be some kind of superhero!"

"Oh no," I interrupt, before he can say "and shit" again, "I am but a humble servant of the chaos lords... and shit." When in Rome, you know.

"I want to be your sidekick man!"

"Sidekick, yes, well come over here into this dark alley and we'll talk about that."

"Sure man."

A quick sidekick, or at least a kick to the side of the head, later... I find a tap and use his clothes to clean all the blood off my superhero uniform, then pick half a kilo of glass from myself, check my new gold watch, and head for Chaos Point 402.

It is time to go home.

5 Comments:

Blogger allerleirauh said...

Henry, I find you extremely entertaining and read of your mis-adventures almost everyday...at least for the past 3 days since I had discovered you only 3 days ago. Anyway, I forget. What I was going to say that is. Suffice that I am over-whelmed by your good looks and daring. Even if you are somewhat of a big idiot.

3:38 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Thank you. Henry is indeed an idiot of mindboggling proportions.

6:11 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You know bloggers identify you with Henry seeing as you're good looking. So, why don't you find a better looking Henry, so that young men and young women (not me, I'm middle-aged) stop fantasizing.
Superhero need a face. Henry needs a face! Unless of course you like to know hot babes (not me I'm middle-aged) fantasize about you.

Lorraine/aka nurse feelgood/aka I'm gonna go with anonymity on that one!!!!

9:01 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

I can't create an image of Henry because I can't create an image of Henry.

Drawing. Just another thing I suck at.

10:05 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You can't create an image of Henry because you can't create an image of Henry. I'm oddly satisfied with that!!!

10:33 pm  

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