Friday, December 23, 2005

Henry the Pirate

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I wake to the sound of something pounding against something else. What is going on? I stumble out of my room in time to see the front door cave in under the weight of a couple of thugs. "What the..."

"Henry the Adequate?" An extremely evil looking person in an extremely evil looking suit sneers at my nakedness.

"Yes. Who are you?"

"Henry the Adequate, you are hereby charged with, and sumarily convicted of, sedition, supporting terrorism, and being a bad boy."

"What? Huh?" I protest intelligently as they drag me out into the street.

"Do you have any last requests?"

"Now hang on a minute, what exactly am I supposed to have done?"

"It has been determined that you did deliberately and with malicious intent illegally download a song called..." and here he consults an extremely evil looking clipboard, "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts. Now do you have any last requests, you dirty traitor pirate?"

"Sure, how about Madonna's Like A Virgin?" And then I let my flamethrower do the talking. It roars gleefully and consumes the nasty record company person and his thugs like an extremely powerful fire-breathing weapon consuming a couple of obnoxious pricks.

3 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh Henry, there you go, you brave superhero, opening the door naked with your extremely powerful fire-breathing weapon consuming a couple of obnoxious pricks.

Ho Ho Ho boy :)

12:13 am  
Anonymous Miss Ann Thrope said...

Can I please borrow the flamethrower for a bit? I'd like to have a chat with the RIAA and MPA guys and I'm thinking I might need one...

or I could just do that damsel in distress thing and Henry could fly in (Henry does fly, right?) and say, "There's no need to fear! Henry the Adequate is here!"

Oh wait, that's copyrighted by UnderDog.

1:09 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Well Henry's flamethrower is embedded in his forearm, but you can probably borrow his axe, which steals the souls of mortals like that sword in those books by Michael Moorcock. You know the one.

Of course those guys have no souls in the first place, so that's not much help, but you can still hack them to pieces with it.

Henry is more likely to say "Half fiend! I will foil your insidious plot, for I am Henry the Adequate, superhero." Also, there is not currently any evidence of him flying - though I may need to intruduce that power at some point in order to explain away a plot inconsistency. Not that there are ever any of those.

So, anyway, go ahead and do some distressing. Henry will be there shortly - he's just waiting on the pizza delivery guy.

7:11 am  

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