Thursday, December 01, 2005

Henry In Wonderland

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I emerge in a large warehouse. The section of the floor below me is a pan-dimensional portal. Several massive evil looking cranes hover above it, with ropes descending into the portal, including the one I am holding onto. Fortunately I am close to the edge of the portal area. I swing and leap for solid ground, using all of my superhuman strength to propel me the full metre or two to safety. No normal human could possibly have done this.

At the far end of the building is what appears to be a control room. Hopefully I have not been detected. Using my super-magnifying ultra-xray-vision I peer through the walls of the control room. The walls yield to my powers as if they were so much clear material that does not inhibit light. Actually they are made of glass, which also helps.

There are several men bent over the controls, and overseeing them is some kind of large robotic overlord. Occasionally the evil machine strikes one or another of the men with a whip. I would feel more comfortable with this situation if the victims did not appear to be enjoying it.

I am close to the doorway, so make my way stealthily outside. Things look a little strange. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I suspect that I am no longer on my Earth. Perhaps it is the pinkish sky, or the way the people here are all walking backwards, or the fact that the street performers doing balet only a short distance from me are pigs dressed in garter belts. Or perhaps it is a combination of all these things that eventually impinges itself on my awareness.

Suddenly a massive TV screen nearby lights up and a very serious looking robotic chap, apparently a newsreader of some kind, announces, "The Grand Chaos Lord has proclaimed that henceforth all humans will walk sideways."

I don't know where the portal has taken me, but suspect that I am a very long way from home indeed.

I wonder if they have pizza here.


Anonymous Bitter Bitch said...

Henry has been smacked. I approve.

6:50 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Thanks Ms Bitch. You're a champion.

7:35 am  
Blogger corpus said...

You know. I was actually craving pizza earlier today. I normally don't crave it. At all.


1:18 pm  
Blogger Let said...

I'm not sure whether to laugh at or cry for you...

Very funny stuff.

1:22 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Isis: I have no idea what could have brought that on.

Let: Thank you. I will remember you in my will. It will say "Remember Let? Damn she was one friendly person, though that hand she had growing out of her neck was kinda weird."

1:33 pm  
Blogger JoeC said...

You should be a writer, are you? Hey, nice review. Cheers!

11:38 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

No, not a writer, except to the degree that I write this. Computer programmer/sysadmin/backup tape changer.

11:50 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I changed a tape once.

7:01 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Ah, but did you change the tape, or did the tape change you?

8:27 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Could you answer this for me? I'm stumped!!!

9:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can't be changed, you're a ninny!!!

5:58 pm  

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