Saturday, December 10, 2005

Henry and the Robot League of Chaos

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

As my former enemy's body falls I notice that a portable quantum particle accelerator seems to have survived the ravaging flames from my embedded flamethrower. I grab it, since you never know when one of those might come in handy.

I turn from the charred remains of the no doubt evil and only pretending to be good Umbrello, and head with much determination for Chaos Point 402. But it seems I have somehow drawn the attention of the League of Chaos to myself.

"Stop or the penguin gets it!" demands the Robot Lord on his giant pink rat, a medium sized penguin grasped in his iron claws.

"Ha!" I mock brazenly. Then just to be sure he gets the message I spray the general area with my flamethrower, and don't even roll around in agony for very long. I am rapidly losing all feeling in that arm for some reason, which makes using the flamethrower less traumatic.

The Robot strides from the flames, tossing aside the charred remains of a penguin. An odour of roast pork, or possibly rat, wafts on the breeze as the smoke billows about the Robot Lord of Chaos as though caressing him, and the flames lick at him like a really excited lover...

I muster my superhuman strength for what may be the final battle of my glorious existence. I muster every wit at my disposal and call out brilliantly, "Foolish machine, you have fallen into my cleverly laid plan and now I will send you to robot hell with all of my might!"

The Chaos Lord pauses, looks about as though seeking the nature of my trap, then causes a massive gun to emerge from its shoulder and point in my general direction. Actually there is nothing general about the direction in which it is pointing. Meanwhile I have paused and am trying furiously to determine the nature of my trap.

The robotic Chaos Lord fires his weapon and there is a massive explosion, but fortunately I am no longer in the location at which the explosion has exploded so explosively. Using my superhuman speed and agility I appear behind him. "Fool robot, I will..." I trip somehow and fall heavily against the robot's back. I can only assume that it has used some kind of clumsy ray on me.

The mechanical monster spins at the waist, one huge and monstrous arm slamming into my chest and hurling me across the road. My body slams into the wall of Chaos Point 402. "So, my plan is working," I announce triumphantly, head spinning with a slight sense of major concussion, pain shooting through my chest with each breath, "I have you now!". Then I notice that something has clattered to the ground beside me. It is the quantum particle accelerator.

The robot is charging across the road, brushing aside cars and humans in its path as though they are merely cars and humans. I grab the particle accelerator and hurry through one of the entrances to the building, then picking myself up again I try the other entrance. Hopefully this one will not turn out to be a concussion-induced hallucination.

Inside I sum up the situation with the speed of a really fast sum-doing calculator. The portal is active. Several technicians are at work on some puppet-related machinery, and another is about to enter the control room, presumably to shut down the portal and trap me here. I discourage this by reducing him to a pile of ash. Now for home...

But suddenly the robot appears between myself and the portal floor, its massive weapon swinging around to bring the chronicles of Henry the Adequate, superhero, finally to a glorious end.

5 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

oh - oh...cliff's hanging...

2:17 am  
Blogger carouselle10 said...

LMAO

8:04 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

What's the expression Ben ?imitation being the better part of flattery? or something

And why is it that creators of funny flamethrowers like to be naked outside? Just curious...
yeah I know I have 3 cats!!!

7:51 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Of course Kenny Everett did, in fact, hang Cliff.

8:01 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

These are all interesting questions.

8:03 pm  

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