Monday, December 19, 2005

Henry and the Pied Santa

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I am following a potentially evil Santa clone as he wanders aimlessly, or so it seems, through the local shopping centre. He carries a largish bell, which he rings at semi-regular intervals. This is inevitably followed by a round of "Ho Ho Ho"s. Trailing the Santa clone is an ever-increasing line of small children who carry themselves as though somehow mesmerised.

I stay close, in case the quarry attempts to flee, or lead the children over a cliff, or into the ocean, or whatever the hell that pied piper person is supposed to have done. Fortunately there are neither cliffs nor oceans in this particular shopping centre.

Eventually he settles into a large chair, like a king preparing to hold audience, and the children begin to approach by ones and twos in order to pay homage to their blubbery messiah. This is the dangerous part. This is where he may show his true colours. I am on the alert, watching carefully for the slightest hint that he might turn into a hidious toddler-eating troll, or worse still, offer them some Gummi Bears.

After a while the red-clad one rises, announcing that there will be a short break. He heads for the toilet. This, clearly, is my chance. I follow a short distance behind, blending into the crowd by using my super camo powers, and by pretending to look at whatever it is this store sells. We come into a short hallway that leads to the amenities. There is nobody in sight. Seizing my opportunity I grab the jolly red one and drag him through an emergency exit into the bright light of day.

"Who are you working for?" I demand as though I really mean it, slamming him forcibly against the unforgiving concrete wall as security alarms sound ear-shatteringly nearby.

"Huh... " He appears somehow stunned, as though he has just been slammed forcibly against an unforgiving concrete wall.

I see a vehicle approaching out of the corner of my eye, and glance in that direction, while trying to look very casual, as though menacing a Santa clone were the most natural thing in the world. But wait... Who is that?

The driver is Louise, my evil sister, arch enemy to all goodness. The passenger, June. Oh no! June has been captured by the evil cadre of slave masters headed by the most nasty of them all, my dearest sister Dizzy Louise. I follow, Santa forgotten, with all the speed that I can muster, and so rapid is my super speed that I still have them in sight when the car pulls into a parking space several metres further on. Ducking behind a nearby van, I observe as they exit the vehicle.

I feel a sudden stinging numbness in my skull and fall to the pavement a bit. As consciousness fades I catch a glimpse of the evil Santa Clone standing over me brandishing the wooden plank he has apparently just hit me with. Perhaps I have offended him somehow.


Blogger Lorraine said...

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Blogger Lorraine said...

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