Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Great Battles of Henry #1

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

At sixteen years my powers were in a state of continual flux such that my control was at times sorely tested, particularly those cosmic x-ray abilities. Strangely enough these powers malfunctioned most often when in the company of sixteen year old girls.

Into my life at this time came the first in a long line of dastardly enemies, a supervillian of the highest order, "The Great Umbrello". Umbrello, or "Ken" as he was known at school, posessed the power to control minds, and also the power to fly using only an umbrella for propulsion. Actually that looked kind of funny.

On this day I had tracked him to a bank, where I believed he intended to rob an armoured car. As the vehicle approached Ken drifted in on his umbrellochute and landed beside the driver's side door. He appeared to speak with the armoured car guys, at which point they both exited the vehicle and wandered aimlessly off down the street.

"Halt Umbrello, you dastardly fiend!" I leapt out from my hiding place and challenged the evil creature, "I will foil your evil plan using my superhuman strength and intelligence! And do not try any of your absurd mind-control tricks on me, fool, for my enormous brain shall easily resist."

"Henry, it's good to see you."

"Quick," I suggested urgently, "Into the armoured car - we must get out of here to someplace safe where I can protect you. Master."

"Ok, if you insist, but I was reallly looking forward to trying out my mind control powers on you first."

"No time." I drove my master and his rightful gains to his hideout, cleverly avoiding pursuit by going really really fast and not stopping for red lights or anything.

"Now how are we going to get this open?" Master Umbrello stood regarding the armoured car with a studied look of studying.

"Fear not master, I will use my electropsychic powers to melt the doors!" I slapped him on the shoulder in a comradely fashion. "Oh bugger," I cursed unbecomingly as his charred and lifeless corpse collapsed to the ground, "Damn electropsychic powers!"

"Damn electropsychic powers!" I cursed helplessly as I accidentally blasted the doors off the armoured car.

"Damn muscular powers!" I cursed despairingly, as my malfunctioning super-strength caused me to accidentally make off with a large quantity of cash.

2 Comments:

Blogger JoeC said...

errr, ok, you're gonna get a few tickets for speed, summons for various traffic violations, arrest warrants for grand theft auto and assisting in an unarmed robbery. Boy, you are in a bigger tub of hot soup then the average japanese dude in a jaccuzi.

Btw, those sidekicks can do cameos and the next time you face Ken, get yourself the Helm of Mind Bending. Cheers!

ps. any famous ppl or character appearance sloted in your future plans?

9:03 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Future plans. Now there's a concept I had not considered.

9:09 pm  

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