Monday, December 05, 2005

The First Day of Christmas

"Sign here."

I signed, foolishly. I was only twenty then, and had not yet come fully into my super powers. "So where's the parcel?"

"Just there."

"You mean behind that enormous tree?"

Where was I going to put a tree? At the time I'd been renting a flat with a couple of other up and coming superheroes. Well they were university students, at least. We cut a hole in the ceiling so the tree could fit, and everyone was happy for a while. The tree provided fruit and shade, although that damn bird did tend to crap on the carpet.

Then it started to rain, and we were not so happy. Then mushrooms started to grow in the carpet, and all was well again, for a time. Then the tree was struck by lightning, causing a fire and much destruction of our meagre belongings. On a more positive note we did enjoy a delicious roast chicken that night, although nobody remembered cooking it - possibly due to the mushrooms.

Then for no good reason we were evicted by our evil landlord.

If anybody attempts to give you a partridge in a pear tree, thank them sincerely and back slowly away until you have reached a safe distance. Then lob a hand grenade in their general direction and head for the hills.

Henry advises extreme caution.


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