Friday, December 16, 2005

Desperately Seeking Santa

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

Tonight I roam the footpaths in search of evil Santa clones and their mutant gummi bear handlers. I wonder where my sister is now, and what devious plan she is cooking up in that sweet brain of hers. If only I had killed her when I had the chance, but how could I have known, at age three, that those voices in my head were only attempting to save the future of all mankind.

"Help me Henry," she had called from beyond the cliff-edge. This was a fun game we had invented that involved one of us clinging to the side of a seriously big cliff, to be rescued by the other.

"Fear not!" I called in my three-year-old squeak, "I will save you!" I reached down and grabbed her upstreatched hand, feeling slightly dizzy at the sight that greeted me. This was the highest cliff-edge we had played on yet. Perhaps a holiday to the Grand Canyon had not been such a good idea. Or perhaps some kind of supervision would have been in order.

Anyway, as I started dragging her to safety the voices began calling to me in earnest, begging me to hurl her to the rocks far below, and a nasty death by gravity. For some reason I hesitated. I am uncertain why - it is not like she had ever hestiated in throwing me onto the sharp pointy rocks. Perhaps it was the fact of my destiny to become the champion of goodness that stayed my hand.

Suddenly I spot a fake Santa exiting a shop that has just closed for the night. There is something suspicious about him, and it is not just the ladies underwear that is revealed to my x-ray vision. It is the complete lack of Gummi Bears of any kind. My enemies must be onto me, since they appear to have ordered their operatives not to carry Gummi Bears any more.

I drag him back to my hideout for questioning.


Blogger one said...

did you kick his fake-santa-ass?

11:35 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

The backwardness is over, I feel almost
empty...and my toilet overflows!
Fakesantastic !!! Loved every syllable.
I'm all caught up, snif...

1:25 am  
Blogger corpus said...

No Gummi Bears!!! What's this world coming to??

2:24 am  
Blogger Ben said...

G.D. - We shall see. Let me just say that Henry's methods generally involve fire.

Lorraine - Sorry to hear about the toilet. I was going to send you an additional syllable (perhaps "ing"), but couldn't spare one.

Isis - Ah but if I told you what the world is coming to it would ruin the big ending I may or may not have planned.

6:26 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You can't spare a flippin' syllable for an ardent fan,what kind of flame-throwing super hero naked creator are you?

9:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ben's state of nakedness should not become an issue. Let's keep it clean. You know, for the children

Nurse Feelgood

9:19 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes it is indeed a sad state of affairs when the dreaded syllable shortage finally causes the world's economies to come to a grinding halt and not even an "ing" can be given to the poor and destitude yet the rich languish in their luxurious word-mansions and are somehow sheltered from all of the misery and destruction that they have caused. Damn those damn word bankers.

9:30 pm  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I may be poor, but I am not destitute (I have a toilet and many accoutrement)

9:34 pm  
Blogger Ben said...


10:07 pm  

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