Saturday, December 31, 2005

The BSOD

There is a room. In width it is approximately ten metres. In length it is, as far as anybody has been able to determine, infinite. In this room are two rows of desks, or approximately infinite length, each sporting a plain looking computer, and a user. All, or approximately all, are male because, you know, there are no female computer geeks.

In addition to the relatively infinite number of operators - infinity being entirely relative to your frame of reference and I don't want to go into it too deeply here or anything because it is all very complicated, but let's just say that there's more to infinity than meets the eye. Anyway, in addition to the relatively infinite number of operators there is also an infinite, though infinitely smaller, number of overseers monitoring the many computers and users.

At this moment all but one of those users are enacting essentially the same dance, though the details differ - a study in limitless variability, while retaining a remarkable uniformity. On each computer monitor appears the same image - it is a blue screen with strange archaic print, including the most cryptic "IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL".

"Oh bugger," echoes down the endless hall, "oh shit oh shit oh shit." Fists crash into keyboards, arms are flung expressively skyward in supplication, faces twisted in despairing rage.

"Huh!?" a lone voice sounds, as its owner looks up from his screen and wonders where all the other players have gone.

"What the hell happened?" demands the Grand Controller, in his private booth as ape-like minions scurry about desperately seeking a response that will not result in eternal damnation in one of the lesser-known hell dimensions.

"Master," a sub-controller approaches fearfully, "Overseers report massive reality failures in all dimensions bar one. Some kind of buffer overflow caused by the discharge of a quantum particle accelerator accross an event-horizon."

The Grand Controller squints with barely contained fury at his underling. "Wasn't that supposed to have been fixed in service pack two? How is it a damn user-level bug can bring the whole system down?"

"Um..."

"And why did that one reality stay up?"

"Um..." the underling mumbles eloquently, "It may not be running Windows TM Edition, or something..."

"Just as I thought. Damn BSD hackers. We'll be sued for contract violation if this gets out." The Grand Controller stands and paces for a while, his face a mask of dread determination. "How long before the multiverse can be restarted?"

"About two thousand years, though there is bound to be some data loss."

"Right, I'll be in my quarters. Let me know when it's done," the Grand Controller heads for the door, pauses, and "One more thing, get that BSD system replaced immediately."

15 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

Something about 2,000 years and creation rings a bell...I'll have to give it some thoughts.

4:50 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I feel so alone

7:43 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel like a kebab

4:18 am  
Anonymous Brenza said...

Just checking out what the other identity choice was.. I was the anonymous kebab craver..

4:21 am  
Blogger Ben said...

lol welcome Brenza. Thanks for stopping by.

8:28 am  
Anonymous Brenza said...

No problem.. I'll be back for more.. I hope there is more??

10:14 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Yes, Henry continues like one of those really tedious stories by that guy - you know the one - they just keep going on and on and never seem to end until you wish somebody would please just poke your eyes out so you could stop reading.

10:35 am  
Anonymous Brenza said...

lol.... Well.. I'm not ready to poke my eyes out just yet.. I will wait patiently for more while tapping my foot on the floor.. Though, I hope that tapping isn't annoying and prevents you from writing? Okay.. Maybe I will stop.. *tap* *tap* .... Sorry... heh

3:03 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Phew, now it is much easier to concentrate. Thanks.

9:00 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Hay, I mean Hey, I feel so ignored

1:57 am  
Blogger Ben said...

You're living in the past :)

7:30 am  
Anonymous doc said...

Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#

12:09 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Gee thanks for saying such nice things about me Doc.

I return I will pretend that you are not just some nasty comment spammer.

8:23 am  
Anonymous doc said...

Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#

11:54 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Oh fuck off!

12:02 pm  

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