Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Henry and the Street Preacher

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

The street-preacher raises his fist to the heavens and proclaims in a powerful booming yet somehow slightly effeminate voice "I believe it's self deception to think I really NEED a man or a woman, she-he, he-she, genitalia, a plant, a molecule, or any circumstances to make me content. God is a desperate hope to escape the thermodynamic bondage of a dying universe!"

My magnificent brain suddenly snaps into a condition of red alert. Bondage! This surely must have something to do with Dizzy Louise, the evil she-devil sister of mine whom I have sworn to defeat, and her slavish minions. I wait for the the wise man to continue.

"I usually sense lemming social peer pressure and do the opposite, but I haven't embraced the foolishness of contrarianism."

Ummmm... This must be some kind of code. I wonder if lemmings are into bondage.

"Take fond interest in whatever the culture or sub-cultures mock or slander, because if there is light in truth, then surely there is darkness in mocking and slander!"

Mocking and slander. Yes this sounds like my sister alright. That evil witch is always saying mean things about me.

"I smile real big when I see two otters playing in the river. One time in Maui, when I was underwater, I screamed into my snorkel in delight when I saw a huge sea turtle swimming next to a school of fish. Further, I'm aloof, ambiguous, green eyed, XY, musically inclined."

Uh... Screamed in delight... Is this more bondage?... And what do the otters represent? Sea turtle and a school of fish... Louise and her slaves?... or maybe... or perhaps... I force myself into a hyper-trance state in which my supercharged mind thrashes about like a fish caught in the frenetic dance of survival and extinction, every neurone loaded beyond the capacity of a mere mortal, synapses firing at a rate which threatens to distort the fabric of the universe itself. I sense that the answer is near, and push my straining intellect just that little bit further...

Suddenly my brain explodes, and my lifeless, and headless, body collapses to the pavement. Dead. And that is the end of Henry the Adequate. Forever. There will be absolutely no more stories. Ever. It's been fun. Goodbye.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact that you were mocking god, and then your head exploded just goes to show the power of prayer. Repent, sinner, before your head really does explode!

4:05 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

I don't need your god, whichever one it is you're selling. All I need is some more Hip Hop Lyrics

5:06 pm  
Anonymous smilesr4u said...

I'm in mourning. I put on my black dress backwards and cry. Someone get my ginkyo tea wit a shot of rum.

5:22 am  
Anonymous truckguy said...

sorry to read that henry has no head,i'm going to miss him.Oh well thanks for the great storys.Please let me know when and if you write more.

5:32 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Ok, maybe I exaggerated slightly.

6:44 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I know you did, you lie like a toilet seat. I'm backwards. I'm on to you!

2:03 am  
Blogger Ben said...

"lie like a toilet seat" I like that one.
In keeping with the toilet them I also like "Bangs like an outhouse door in a cyclone" and "excuse me, I need to go to the toilet"

7:13 am  
Blogger Ben said...

s/them/theme/

7:13 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Figured it out all by myself. I'm toilet trained!

7:38 pm  

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