Monday, November 07, 2005

Henry and the Ongoing Miss Stanley Investigation

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I knock on the door and amuse myself while waiting by scanning the area for signs of evil. One of the neighbours has a lifesized replica of George Bush version 1.0 in their bedroom. I think maybe this qualifies.

"Yes?"

"Ah, miss Stanley I presume... " Then my brain begins to reel slightly from surprise, but only slightly since I have a stupendous intellect, "June! What are you doing here?"

"I live here Henry. What's up?"

"I'm looking for one Miss Stanley in connection with a very serious matter," I announce importantly and with much importance, "Do you know a Miss Stanley?"

"I do, or rather, I am. Henry I am June Stanley, but you can call me Helpful June!"

"June, ah..."

"Come in Henry. How can I help." We sit at the table in her small flat. She makes tea. The tea is bordering on Ok, but could be better.

"So," I begin, "What can you tell me about the evil slave masters and their connection with my sister, the nameless one."

"I thought your sister's name was Louise."

" Ok so she's not entirely nameless." I easily sidestep June's attempt to sidetrack me in a sideways kind of fashion. Did she think she could evade my enormous brain so easily? It is not merely by my bulging muscles and imposing physique that I am made super, and June of all people should be aware of this. I am disappointed. "What can you tell me about the slave masters?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"But I did find out some really useful information about giant chickens... even though you killed the only one of them we've ever seen... so that might not be very useful, really... um... Would you like some gummi bears?"

"Ah." I am fast running out of Miss Stanleys, and do not seem any closer to the clues I so desperately need. Ok, not desperately. I am, after all, Henry the Adequate, superhero, and have been in many tighter scrapes than this and have always prevalied - much like Buffy actually. Hmmm, wonder if there is any Buffy on TV tonight. Damn, look at the time. I'd better wrap this up because there's a lot of really important, um, "research" to be done. "Well, anyway, thanks. Thanks for the tea. I must leave now. Evil awaits."

"But Henry, I can help. Really I've been practicing very hard and am getting more super every day. Why just this morning I almost foiled a bank robbery. The police were not very kind about it, but without me things would have been much worse. Anyway, the police car was parked illegally. How was I to know they were on a stakeout? Henry? Where are you going? Henry! I want to be your sidekick!"

"Uh, yeah, I'll call you."

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