Thursday, November 17, 2005

Henry and Louise - Rendezvous

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

"Henry, we need to talk. Meet me at the coffee shop."

"Dizzy is that you?" Why is my evil sister calling me now? What insidious plot is she plotting in that devious head.

"Don't call me Dizzy!" She hangs up with a slight hint of major annoyance.


I scan the coffee shop, but can tell immediately that my sister is not yet here because men are paying attention to their friends and/or partners. This doesn't happen when Louise is around. I never really got what it is about her - perhaps it is the allure of evilness. Either that or the semi-nakedness. One of those.

The place is reasonably crowded. Knowing my sister as I do some of them will be her slave minions disguised as normal lowlife plebes, just like those all around me. I scan for clues using my ultra-wave monstro-detector xray-vision. My attention is drawn abruptly to a strange wooden-looking man sitting at a corner table.

My senses tingling with furious anticipation, I leap to my feet and march purposefully toward him, priming my flamethrower and preparing to incinerate the foul puppet-monster. This time I shall prevail. This time I will not be beat to a bloody pulp. This time I notice that he is not a wooden emotionless puppet, but instead is a newsreader from the local television station. Clearly this is a mistake anyone could have made. Nevertheless I am slightly embarassed as I return to my seat.

I am about to avoid embarassment by burning the coffee shop to the ground when all conversation stops and an eerie silence descends on the place. This can mean only one thing.

"Dizzy, what's going on?" I can tell from the direction of various longing stares that she is standing behind me.

"Henry you moron, what the hell do you think you're doing?" She hisses almost-silently into my ear as though I have just made some colossal mistake. This is impossible, since I have used all of my super observational powers, all of my magnificent brain powers, and much extreme caution in my approach to this situation.

"What? And speak up! I can hardly hear you."

"Henry," she whispers, "everybody in this place except for you and I, and that newsreader guy, is a wooden puppet. We need to leave now."

"Oh, yeah, I see. Bugger."

[... to be continued]

3 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

Ok, so I went back. Hard to imagine that you'll improve...again I'm scared, I can't stop laughing!
L.
I'm more twisted than I thought.

2:51 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Yeah I get that a lot.

"I enjoyed your stuff. Does that mean there's something seriously wrong with me. My therapist says I have to stop."

6:54 am  
Blogger Lorraine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:19 am  

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