Monday, November 21, 2005

Henry and Louise and June

"Ok," Louise takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment, "So you searched the robotics lab and found some delivery dockets that led to the warehouse?"

"Yes that's right." I open the pizza box. This one conspicuously fails to explode, so things are definitely looking up.

"Did you find anything else at the lab?" I don't know why Louise thinks this is so significant.

"No. Some miniature robot parts, a bar fridge full... um, half full, of beer, four walls, a ceiling that appeared to be some kind of trans-dimensional portal, some calendars featuring extreme nakedness. Nothing out of the ordinary." I grab a slice of pizza and and admire it's lumpiness.

"A trans-dimensional portal?" Louise has this incredulous kind of look on her face, as though I have said something strange, or have snot hanging out of my nose. I stealthily wipe my nose on the sleeve of my super-tunic.

"Yeah, so?"

"You saw a trans-dimensional portal at the robotics lab, then when you explored the warehouse you were attacked by the puppet master."

"Yes. Haven't we already been over this?"

"Henry do you think there's some connection between the robotics guy and the puppet master."

"No. Why should there be?" I am becoming suspicious. Perhaps Louise is only pretending to cooperate with me but is really plotting behind my back. Clearly she knows something I don't about the puppet master, and the robotics lab. But what is she hiding from me? "Whate are you getting at, Dizzy?"

"Henry," she pauses to take a deep breath and bangs her head against the wall a few times. Such attempted diversions will not work with me, since I have a super-intellect. "There is a connection. The robotics guy may even be the puppet-master. If only we could get hold of one of those puppets..."

"Oh, we have one of those," June volunteers helpfully.

"You do?" Louise's expression does all sorts of interesting leaping, collapsing, and expanding things so subtle that not even my incredible brain is able to interpret them. "Show me!"

"It's at my place. There wasn't room at Henry's."

"Great, let's go." Louise leaps to her feet and drags June toward the door. "Oh, and Henry, I wouldn't eat that pizza."

I pause in the act of almost taking my first bite of the heavenly cheesy crusty stuff. "Why not?"

"Poison. Can't you smell it?"

"Oh. Bugger." I throw the poison pizza out, then grab the phone. My hunger pangs are getting pretty ferocious by this point.

"Also Henry, why don't you try a different pizza shop this time? And then maybe check out this..." She digs the box out of the bin, "... Puppeteer Joe's Famous Pizzeria. Do you think there could be some kind of connection?"

What is it with Louise and all these connections she seems to be seeing all over the place. Isn't that a sign of paranoia, or something? Well there's no use arguing with her when she gets these ideas in her head. "Ok Dizzy, I'll check it out."

After they're gone I turn the TV on and hit redial to order pizza.


Blogger corpus said...

Before I read this post (and promise you I will) I glanced at the date and noticed it was a day ahead of me. And of course being all sleep deprived from my stupid head cold, I was all "what the fuck? Why is he changing the dates around and then I finally GOT IT.


7:19 am  
Blogger Ben said...

For those of you who are not as quick on the uptake as Ms Isis, it is all about time zones. I live in +10 GMT. You almost certainly do not.

7:42 am  
Blogger corpus said...

Screw yyyyyou. I am smart. It's the Benedryl. gimme a break. ;-)

8:08 am  
Blogger corpus said...

What is a 'A trans-dimensional portal'?

8:31 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Oops I appear to have offended somebody. This has never happened before :)

A trans-dimensional portal is either a quantum fluctuation in the space-time continuum which allows passage between different planes of existence, or it is a convenient cop-out used to explain away all sorts of plot inconsistencies, or possibly both.

8:42 am  
Blogger Origami Hammer said...

Great material, Ben. I really appreciate the humor. For myself, I think it works best without pictures. Really, porn would distract from the punchlines.

Your fellow blogger,

Origami Hammer

10:49 am  
Blogger Ben said...

LOL porn, now that's a great idea. Then it wouln't matter what crap I wrote, because nobody would read it.

"Honestly dear, I read Henry the Adequate for the stories... No I didn't notice the enormous breasts, honest."

11:01 am  
Anonymous Keith said...

Perhaps you haven't placed any porn pictures along with the story, but with so many references to pizza, what does it matter? You still got my juices flowing.

1:02 am  
Blogger corpus said...

Sorry, that was my evil twin acting up!

Thanks for the explanation.

Yours truly!

1:59 am  
Blogger Ms Bees Knees said...

just catching up. good stuff, something is surely brewing! i can feel it. muahaha.

3:47 am  
Blogger Ben said...

Keith: Yeah, pizza turns me on too. :)

Ms Bees Knees: Welcome back. I hope you find something useful and educational.

Isis: You've got to watch those evil twins. I had an evil twin once, but it gave me a rash.

6:42 am  

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