Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Henry Uses His Brain

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a super sleuth.

I step into the pub. There is nothing unusual, at least nothing obviously so, even to my enhanced senses. Yet this is where the mind control rays have led me.

The defeat of one enormous mutant chicken has provided a fine stock of frozen dinners, while at the same time leaving me feeling strangely unsatisfied and empty. There are too many questions that remain. For example how did such a brain-burstingly stupid creature avoid detection for so long, and where did it come from in the first place, and what kind of strange mind-control device was used to so befuddle me, and who is behind all of this anyway, and why do they use those hideously ineffectual little square plastic things to seal bread.

As I ponder these questions I notice that the pathetic lowlifes inhabiting the bar are staring at me strangely. Suppose they don't get many superheroes in here. Now one or two of them seem offended in some way. I resolve to keep my voice down while dictating these notes.

Though certain one is nearby I cannot detect a source of the mind control ray. A deep scan of the entire building with my visual actualizers set to maximum reveals only that matter is indeed made up of 99.99999% empty space. I adjust my actualizers to a more reasonable level. Still nothing.

I decide to question one of the patrons, picking completely at random a stunning redhead with terrence-hill-blue eyes. Before I can say anything she leaps to her feet, fear evident in her features, and her stance, and her words. "They're not here are they?! Have you seen them?"

"Who?" I scan the area again, but do not find anything unusual, or threatening.

"Gummi Bears. Evil Gummi Bears. I can't escape from them. They're everywhere! The purple one took my shoe!" And indeed she is wearing a single shoe.

I begin to back slowly away, hoping to escape with only minor insanity-burn, but suddenly realize that this may be just the clue I've been seeking. Could evil Gummi Bears be behind the recent strange and disturbing events? "Fear not!" I announce, "I will bring the Gummi Bears' reign of terror to an end, for my name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero!"

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