Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Henry Questions Miss Stanley

[ This post referes to Henry in Research Mode]

My name is Henry the Adequate and I am a superhero.

I knock on the door.

"Yes?" My super-psychic powers tell me that the woman who answers is thirty-five years old, born September the Fifth. My psychic powers get a little help from my ultra-wave xray vision, which enables me to instantly scan her handbag and read her driver's license.

"Miss Stanley?"

"Yes. Who are you, and why are you wearing your boxers on the outside?" As if my evil sister would not have warned her slavish minions that I am hot on their heels. Does this woman take me for an idiot?

"I am certain you know very well who I am! You cannot fool me with your pretended ignorance, minion of she who will not be named, for Google is never wrong!" I raise my palm in supplication to the great gods of search.

"What?" She moves to close the door, but I prevent this. "I'll call the police!"

"Will you tell them about the capital masters who have attended you?"

"What? How did you..." She hesitates, then motions for me to enter. "What do you want?"

"Information." I glance around as I enter, noting the dark furnishings, and the strange sculptures that seemed to resemble whips and chains. "You must tell me everything you know about the evil overlords, and their plans."

"Evil overlords? Look I don't care what weird shit you're into, but I get paid in advance - five hundred, and nipple clamps are extra."

"Nipple clamps, I see." I nod wisely as my enormous brain works furiously to interpret this clue. Must be some kind of code. I scan the building with my mega-wave xray vision, but find no traces of Louise, or Gummi Bears. What sort of name is that for a supervillain anyway. I must speak to my sister about choosing for her a proper super-name . Maybe Lazy Lou, or Dark Deceiver, or Louise the Amazonian Anti-Hero.

"So, what's it going to be?" Miss Stanley seems to be getting impatient, or nervous. Perhaps she is beginning to crack under the pressure of my expert interrogation techniques.

"Ah... What indeed. How many evil Master of the Abyss has the she-devil Louise sent to you, and what are their names?" I decide to press my advantage.

"You don't get it, do you. It's cash in advance. Money first, twisted perverted little she-devil fantasies second."

Hmmm. She-devil. Not a bad name for a supervilian, now that I think about it. Must suggest that to Louise. Although I do like Louise the Amazonian Anti-Hero too...

"I must leave now," Although I have found one or two clues here (the nipple clamps, for instance) I'm beginning to think she will not talk. Also, I don't have five hundred dollars. "but don't kid yourself - I know what's going on here."

"Look, just fuck off." She slams the door behind me.

Excellent. I make some notes, then examine the next name on the list of Miss Stanleys I have ripped from the phone book. A superhero's work is never done.

3 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

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12:52 am  
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