Thursday, October 27, 2005

Henry On Tape

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

Um... Well this is the first time I've been to one of these dating agencies... so if I seem kinda awkward on this tape then.... you know...

Anyway, I don't like freaks and weirdos, so if you're a freak, or a weirdo, please don't pick me. I also don't like hairy underarms....

...What I'm looking for in a partner: Well,... an enormous intellect, obviously... Super powers would be good, as long as they're not better than mine... But no freaks. Or weirdos. And she probably shouldn't be a minion to the forces of darkness - that never works out well.

Oh but they said I should talk about myself... and things I like...

Um... I fight crime. I pummel crime. I wear my boxers on the outside. I like defeating supervillians, demons, and assorted monstrosities. I like saving the city from meteor strikes and giant chickens. I also like pizza.

Once I stopped a runaway train with my bare hands - I pulled the brake lever really hard and the train just stopped... Another time I discovered/will discover the secret of time travel. I'd tell you what it is but then I would have no choice but to go back and kill myself, again.

Sometimes when nobody is watching I like to dress up as an egg and practice getting laid.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's what the brake lever is for asshole.
Seriously how can you be so stupid?

8:22 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Yeah, don't know how I missed that. Thanks for the heads-up. I really must not have been having a very good day when I wrote that.

Maybe in the future I could run my stories by you first to see if they're alright. What do you think? Please post your email address here. Street address and phone number would also be useful.

8:51 pm  
Blogger Cherie said...

Oh man this is so funny! I wish I could incite such anger with my blog. Maybe I'm not delving into religion as much as I should. If I left such stupid comments as "anonymous" does I'd stay anonymoust too. LOL

7:39 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

Thanks Cherie. I appreciate all comments, except possibly comment spam. Actually that's not true - comment spam is great. I love it.

7:55 pm  

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