Thursday, October 20, 2005

Henry in Research Mode

My name is Henry the Adequate and I am a superhero.

I must discover my sister's diabolical plan before it is too late. All the information in the world is available on the internet so I will look for it there. Fortunately I have become much more proficient with computers since last I wrote about those most excellent devices (see Hi Tech Henry, and Henry and his Computer). I even know what a hyper-lynx is. For those with less computer experience and who lack the intellect of a superhero I will explain things as I go along like this: [if you run out of paper, just ask a friend to fax you some]

So I start up my web browser. [The web was created by this giant spider, only it doesn't spin silk it spins information. Lots of information. That's why it is called the "web" - because of the spider. A web browser is like a car, and you cruise around picking up little bits of information, instead of prostitutes. Not that I would do that - the thing with the prostitutes. Those photos are completely inconclusive. I was out of town that day. ]

I type in "What is my sister's master plan" and press the enter button. A little rectangle pops up that says "The URL is not valid and cannot be loaded". Damn those popups. I need a popup blocker. I decide to try Google instead. [a Google is a very large number - about 300 I think.]

At Google I type in "sister master". Wow, thirteen million results. Apparently my evil sister can't keep a secret. I set myself to the task of interpreting the results. "Miss Stanley had been attended by the most capital masters... the sister of the dead man... The Swami had become her Master... We drag the river for stuff you didn't know you were missing... MASTER/slave COUPLE SEEKING SISTER SLAVE for 24/7" [The correct way to use google is to extract the meaning from each result returned then add them all together. Under no circumstances click on any of the links! I clicked on a link once, and it took me away from google to someplace else! Not only that, there were people doing strange and enticing things to each other. I expressed my disapproval by giving them my credit card number and a good talking to.]

It seems that my sister has many slaves to help her, and that Dizzy is planning to kill me then throw me in the river. This is probably so I cannot foil her evil plan. I still do not know what the plan is, but I have a pretty good idea that Miss Stanley knows!

I leave my computer and take a look at the phone book. [Never turn your computer off. When you do that the internet stops working. You should leave it on so other people can still use the internet]

Time to pay a visit to Miss Stanley.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's fucking stupid. Of course you can turn your computer off without the internet disappearing. Just don't unplug the cable.

7:12 pm  

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