Saturday, October 22, 2005

Helpful June

My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

I arrive at the crime scene. The police are already here and have set up barricades. A small crowd is in attendance. I...

"Henry! Over here! Henry it's me, June." Well it looks as though the crime scene isn't going anywhere. I can spare a moment for one of my many fans. "I got here earlier Henry. I've questioned the witnesses."

"Uh, thanks, that's... helpful June. So, why are you wearing a mask?" I can't help also noticing that she is wearing a pink jumpsuit and has some kind of backpack on. It looks almost, but not quite, nice.

"I'm a superhero too Henry. I have powers and everything. I can run faster than a speeding supermarket trolley!" Something about this strikes me as not quite right. She just doesn't seem the superhero type. "I don't have a name yet - was going to be June the Inadequate but something you said just now sounded good... Helpful June. I am Helpful June, and I am a superhero - or is it superheress, or superheroess. I don't know. It could be superheroine. What do you think?"

I think there are one or two too many crazy people in this town. I wonder if this is the work of my sister, Louise. "You said you questioned the witnesses?"

"Oh, yes." She has a notebook. "First guy, no name, said 'Get that fucking microphone out of my face'."

"You have a microphone?"


"Ah, go on." Is everybody here insane?

"Um, then next one's called Anarkitty. 'Preferences aside, I’m much of what you might imagine – if you can easily imagine a skinny, feminine-but-not-girly forty+1 y/o anarchist who lives to make food and love cats and collect old rosaries and carries a purse full of Sanrio and odd things I find and loves debate and friends and darkness and creative self-destruction and.. yeah. Nice to meet you. :)' Actally said 'smiley' at the end. I think that one might be significant because my question was 'did you see what happened'."

"Did you question anybody else?"

"No that's it."

"Ok, um, thanks. So anyway June, what's with the backpack"

"That's my rocket pack... or it will be, when I get a rocket..."

"Ok, good luck with that..." Clearly this has been a waste of my time. Well it's clear to me, since I have super-intellectual powers. I must go and scan the area for clues.

"Wait, Henry. Maybe I have some information about the Gummi Bears!"

"Well do you?"

"Uh, no..."

"I must leave now."


Blogger Ben said...

What's with the whole "faster than a speeding bullet" anyway. Are there bullets that obey the speed limit?

11:54 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home